Finally, I am home

My life ambled all over the place. Meandered might be a better expression. My immaturity moved me in so many directions, some very good, and some not so. I would like to say I was searching, but that would imply purposeful pursuit. It was more like a reed shaken by the wind. However, I certainly believe that God moves in mysterious ways. I know that we heard this so many times but God is silently working on us. As the song of Mariah Carey goes, “There can be miracles when you believe"

And yes, I believe in miracles!

Want to know why? Let me give you a brief timeline of my AMAZING Miracles this month

Sept 8- Thursday, Mama Mary's Bday. I attended Makati Feast with my best friends and my son for the first time.

After attending the feast, I feel so blessed. I feel refreshed.  I told myself, “This will be a regular part of my life starting today and I am so happy that I am in Makati feast”.

Sept 15-Thursday, Morning- Received heart breaking news. I cried my heart out loud the whole day.

               Thursday, Evening- Received a very precious gift from Makati Feast- the Bible

I told my friends, "I know God will never let me down. He gave me my guidebook to overcome the negative vibes that I received earlier"

When God give us problems, he will not abandon us. He will give us directions on how to reach our destination. He will provide us with some tools to use for us to solve our problems.

Sept 22- Thursday, I wrote down my dreams in my Novena to God’s love; received a book “How To Find Your One True Love”

It took me a while before I was able to write something in my Novena to God's love because I just want simple things and yet they said we have to dream big. I was confused then. I decided to double check my priorities in life, and there you go, I was able to write something down.

Sept 24-Saturday, Outreach for the Typhoon Pedring victims

This outreach is very special to me, as I said before, Everyday is a new beginning. I can relate to the Pedring victims and I really want to help with my own little ways. Guess what? God gave me a bonus right away; I met beautiful people inside and out. I met my FAB friends from Makati feast.

We were able to put some hope in someone’s life. We were able to put smiles on their faces. What else can we ask for right?

Sept 29-Thursday, Morning- I woke up feeling bad and terrible because the current situation that  I am in.

              Thursday, Evening Dream no 3 in Novena to God’s love is related to my problem this morning.

Now, it is GRANTED! Today, I said YES Lord, my lifetime partner.

In relation to my answered dream, God never promised this life would be perfect and without problems and hardships. He did promise us that he will always be with us and he will never leave us. We often leave Him though; especially when he doesn’t answer our prayer right away. God’s promises are not for those that don’t live for him or follow him. Like what Bro. Randy said, “God is always on time, he is never late, and rarely early.

Oct 6-Thursday, Dream no 4 in Novena to God’s love-GRANTED

In Relation to my answered dream, I have heard this phrase come from different people who I have talked to: “You have no idea what I am going” I have heard this from people who suffer from stress, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, multiple personalities, abused. Let me tell you, I also said this phrase at some point of my life. I have a message for you. “You are not alone.” Some choose to be alone but there are people who want in. people who have shared in the pain and have come through it and now want to share with you and help you through it. Many of which have had someone come into their lives to help them. Your basic ‘Pay It Forward.’

Oct 7- Friday, CG season 6; Amazing new friends!

My best friend and I have been waiting for this day =) Met new set of friends. I am hoping to learn more with this group. I also hope that I will be able to share to them my life experiences so that they will learn from it and for them not to experience the hardships that I went through.

Oct 8- Saturday, My first month in Makati feast plus Jesus Encounter.

I can't find the right words still to describe my experience. Until now, I am still overwhelmed so Pardon me. Today is my second birthday =)

What more can I ask?

One month, 4 weeks, and Blessings are over pouring already!

God is really working on me now. He never stops to surprise me every week.

While God has a plan for us, we are given choices. In the end, we still get to where he wants us to be but it is our choices that determine how long it will take us to get there.

Just to give you a little background, my friend has been asking me to join the feast for so long. I admit, at that time, I was very busy with work and family. Don’t get me wrong, I do go to church every Sunday. After so many no’s, pass’, I can’t, next time, rain checks, my friend never stops. Everyday I will receive an email from her entitled “God’s Message For You Today “, I am happy to receive the word of the Lord everyday. Honestly, At times, I read four emails at the same time because I have so many emails to read as part of my job. When I can relate to the Gospel reading, I will reply to my friend and thank her. After a while, it became my habit to read the email everyday.

One day, I wondered, “How come I don’t receive the emails anymore?” Then I remembered that my friend is out of the country for three weeks.

There I felt so lost. I know I had to do something. I sent my friend a message asking how’s her trip and when is she coming back. My friend replied. Then, I asked her about the feast and I told her, I want to come”

And everything was a history! After a month of being with Makati Feast and after the JE, I can say, I am finally HOME.

I can never thank enough my friend Ruthie Sy because she never gave up on me. I am proud to say that I am here because God used Ruthie to be one of the tools to bring me back home. With all the blessings that I am receiving now, I know how to thank my friend Ruthie and of course, our Lord Jesus, by Serving others.

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me good friends like Ruthie Sy, Julia Anne Gamboa, Sheena Isiderio and Alvin Gamboa. Thank you Lord for giving me NEW Friends that I found in Makati Feast. Best of all, Thank you Lord Jesus for your loving mercy and bless all who read this. May you bring them to a greater understanding of how they have the authority to bring good into their lives and to always keep their eyes focused on you and not on the things in this world.

Vision Board

The million dollar question is what do you want for your life?

I often ask myself that question. Time is gold. Every day is an opportunity to make steps toward your dream, but are you running toward it or just sitting in one corner waiting? Talking about what you want in life is easy, making the effort to get it isn't. If you aren't living the life you want then what can you do to change that? Have you thought of doing something to achieve your dreams? Waiting around for something to happen is futile.  Being stagnant never results in change only action will give you results.

I thought I'd share some of my goals for the life I want to create.

Spiritual Life

The most significant relationship in my life is with my life partner: God. Without him I can't create the life I desire. I want to continue to mature spiritually and strengthen my faoth. I also want to glorify him through my purpose and life work. I want to have a lifetime relationship with him. 

Parenting

Teaching, guiding, and loving my son is the most important thing I have to do. I pray that God continues to guide me in whatever decision that I have to make for my Addy. My goal is to be the best MOM AND DAD that I can be. I want my son to grow up as a fine young man who gives glory to our creator. I want to be "Mom-Dad-Friend' forAddy, a mom, a dad, and a friend who will always be there to guide him and support him but will also be there to tap him when he is losing track of his directions.

Wellbeing

I want to be one of those old ladies who wake up rearing to go hiking! This requires me to take care of myself physically and emotionally. Exercise and nutrition are vital  and I want to pass on the significance of taking care of myself to my son. Every day I want to do something that is healthy for my mind, body and spirit. I want to be happy and pass that joy onto others who are around me. Being beautiful should be inside and out. It also comes from within. Living a healthy and happy life will bring out the beauty within. It will bring out a certain glow in our faces.

Location

I want to raise Addy closer to my family. I like to raise him in an environemnt where in he will learn the difference of good and bad, right and wrong. I don't want him to grow up in a "PARADISE". I want him to see the so called "REALITY OF LIFE" so as he grows old, he will learn things along the way.

I haven't decided though if Addy will stay in the Philippines or go back to Canada but wherever we are, I want our home to be comfortable and to surround myself with the people we love and who loves us. 

Finances

Financially, I simply want to be debt free and to be able to give to causes that make a difference. Pay my bills on time, buy the neccesities that we need. Share for a good cause.

Career

I just want a balanced career wherein I have a balance time for work, for God and for my family especially for my son.

Community

 In my own little way, I want to give back the blessings that I am receiving by serving others, by sharing to others.

I want to feel connected to my community and teach my son the value of volunteering and being involved in causes he believes in. One of my goals is for us to do volunteer work together. Since he's already turning 3, I want to start by exposing him to children in orphanage. So that he will realized that even if I am a single mom and we don't have the typical family set up, he is still lucky because he have a family who loves him dearly. He's in a community who accepts us. I hope with this, he wont feel "unwanted"

Travel

I love to travel. I want to explore the Philippines and other countries with my son. I want him to see and experience diffent cultures and values.

Relationships

On a romantic level I'm praying God brings a loving, spiritual man in my life. I'm open to the possibilities, but not desperate.

On a friendship and family level, I want to cultivate and deepen my friendships and relationships with my family. 

Life Experiences

It is important to never stop learning. For me this means taking different classes, being outdoors, living abroad, trying new things and being open to the different pathways that become available to me. I want to continously create and be in wonder of the world around me. Continue to meet new people in order to learn from their experiences and also for them to learn with my experiences.

This is just a quick synopsis of the life I want to create. I have specific ideas I want to bring to fruition, places I want to go, and goals I want to accomplish. Write a bucket list, create a vision board, bring the life you want to create out of your mind and manifest it to into your reality. Don't forget to develop a strategy of concrete steps that lead you to accomplish your desires. Don't allow procrastination to hinder you from the life you want. Be intentional and make daily strides toward your goals. Most of all pray. Don't be afraid to ask God for what you want and remember to listen to him. Then be bold in your actions and go for your dreams. I believe that prayer and action works hand in hand and it works perfectly well.

Ready To Take A Chance Again?

For more than three years, I never thought of dating and love. I have done everything possible to deny myself this part of my life. I tried to entertain a few recently, but after a day or two, I will say, "I am not ready, I am not interested," Although, I can probably attribute it to heartbreak and loss, I think the real reason is being scared. Scared to be vulnerable, scared of being hurt again. Honestly, getting my heart broken was pretty darn hard. Let's face it, breakups aren't easy and when a child is involved it is a whole different ball game. Obviously, my choices now as a mother are much more examined and significant. I will never bring a string of random men into my son's life. The idea of introducing him to someone is not something I take lightly. Lately, I do find myself missing that part of my life. 

I've been completely closed off to meeting anyone or dating and sometimes I feel like I'm cheating myself. I don’t want to be a hypocrite, sometimes I miss the idea of being in love.  I miss the butterflies, the companionship, the talks and walks. Isn't life is about taking chances and loving even if it leads to heartbreak? I'm not going to sign up for a dating service, but I am going to be more open to the possibilities. I'm still young and I can't honestly sit here and say that I never want to fall in love again nor should I. I'm learning in order to move forward it's essential to settle and forget the past, free myself from my past mistakes, learn from it and leave it where it belong. I learned a great deal from my previous relationship. I learned to turn to God and to make him the cornerstone of all my relationships. Closing a chapter is difficult. You're familiar with the story and how it plays out and it's appealing to stay stuck between those pages. Creating a new chapter requires courage it demands that you step out of your comfort zone and begin again. 

I remember Julia Roberts in  Eat, Pray and Love,  she said this one line about how being in ruin leads to transformation. When we're in ruins we learn so much about ourselves and how much we can endure. We learn how to rebuild  better and stronger. We transform our mistakes into something beautiful, a blessing. I experienced being in a relationship knowing nothing will change but never fully releasing the other person because it hurts so much to let go of what your vision was, but your vision was never the reality. In the end the real pain is the result of remaining stuck and refusing to release and it hurts....it hurts soooo bad..

With all that being said, Addy is number one and takes precedence over everything, but it's okay for me to be a mother and a woman too. It has taken me a long time to come to grips with that, but I'm finally emerging from the ruins, ready to rebuild a more permanent and stronger structure.  I'm turning a page and that's all I can really do.

Do It Afraid

Last Thursday, we talked about fear and courage. So we were asked, “What are you afraid of?”

At some point, I was afraid and yet I was able to face the fear courageously.

FEAR

Raised in a conservative family, I was scared when I found out that I am pregnant and worst I have to face it alone. I have to stand by my principles and beliefs and do what for me is right. It took a lot of practicing on how I will tell my parents that they will be grandparents and I will be a single mom. At that time, I know that I will be under the microscope again. It’s also called the sad reality of life but that’s how it is. That’s life, sometimes trials happen.  In time, God will let me know the reason why.

OVERCOMING YOUR FEAR AND DOING IT THE RIGHT WAY

All problems have solution but the question is: Are we making the right choice? Are we solving our problem the right way?

I never had to think twice. I know from the start that I want this child. No matter what people around me will say. A friend once said, “it's not about what they will say, it's about what you feel, what you want, what will make you happy and what you think is right." I can say that I made the right decision. I solved my problem the right way. I realized that There are many couples in our society who’s having a hard time having a baby; spending all their money just to have one and here I am given this blessing and won’t accept it?

I knew then that I will be scrutinized, judged and ridiculed. Its part of this world we live in, the society surrounding us. I can take all that because that does not compare to the joy this little blessing will give me

According to Brother Randy, our fear is like a door and when you have the courage to open the door it will show you the answer. Agree, I had to face the sturdiest door, and when I had the courage to open the door. It feels like I saw the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: My son.

After I gave birth, I embraced the joy of Motherhood. I was given the gift of life and there is no one else who is responsible of this innocent and defenseless life but me. I am the only one who can fight for the life of my child. I will do it no matter what the world throws at me because I know it’s all worth it.

Just to make things clear. I am not encouraging other young women to get pregnant unmarried. No. In the eyes of God I have committed a sin. But I am not covering it up by committing another. I am here standing up for what I did. Because when this happened to me, reality kicked in. It’s happening to young women around me. I am not alone; I am not the first single mom in this cruel world. There are many women who are scared and never knew what to do. Women who are left by their coward, immature partners to face this battle alone. This is how life can be. We always have the power and right to choose the way we want to live it.

FEAR

Trials will keep on coming my way. i know that for sure. God is always on time, he is never late and rarely early. So I know in his time Addy will ask, “Mommy, what happened? Where’s my dad” and when that day comes I know that will be another door that I have to face courageously.

So I will be leaving this note open ended. How will I overcome that door this time?