First Christmas Letter For Addy

Christmas is a time of sharing, giving and forgiving. It is the time for the family to be complete. I have been waiting for this day to came, since it’s my precious Addy’s first Christmas. Addy’s Christmas may not be perfect, but still it is full of love and peace. Despite all of my worries and fears, I know in time Addy can say that his First Christmas is still the greatest…Addy can still say that his First Christmas is still perfect because he’s with mommy I am doing my best to provide you with that, but there are things that I have come to realize that you will have to find for yourself. I can only tell you about them.

LOVE AND AFFECTION 
I have loved you from the very first time that I realized that I m carrying you in my womb. My heart filled with joy at each flutter and kick. Then, when you were born, I used to hold you in my arms and rock you to sleep while singing whatever sweet tune filled my heart. I have tried to show you with every breath how much you mean to me. I have tried to give you affection and attention every day of your life. i will never get tired of loving you Addy. You keep mommy alive. You are the one who gives me thousands of reasons to wake up each morning and go to work. 

PROBLEMS IN LIFE
I have never been the best at problem solving. I have never been one that would stand up for myself when I should have. I let my problems get me down, but I will try to teach you to be different from me. I want you to be strong, independent and confident. I want you to be better and bolder than I ever could have been, That way, when problems come into you life, you will be able to handle them with honor and decency. I want that for you.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAM 
Whatever inspires you in life, go for it. Don't let any one tell you that you cannot reach your stars. If they were unreachable, they would not be yours. Just please be realistic about your hopes and dreams. Your dreams are not going to fall in your lap. You will have to work hard to achieve them, but don't give up. Don't lose faith in yourself. Whatever it is that you want in life, you can have. You just have to believe that you are worthy to have it and don't be afraid to go after it. mommy will always be by your side honey to help you, give you moral support for you to achieve your aspirations in life 


LOVE AND HAPPINESS
I wish nothing but love and peace in your life. I know that they will not always come, but know that it is possible. When you are old enough to find that special someone in life that you want to share all of your hopes and dreams, failures and successes, and laughter and tears with, hold on to them. True love is fading away in this world. If fate leads you to it, don't be afraid to take it and hold on to it. i want you to grow up as a true gentleman.


BE YOUR OWN PEOPLE 
Never let anyone force you into being someone that you are not. Be who you are. Remember that you were born in love and you grew up in love and that is the path that you should follow. Find you strengths and don't be ashamed of your weaknesses. Hold your head up high. 

TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT
Believe me honey, there will always be someone in life that will treat you wrong. Take it with a grain of salt. It may leave a bitter taste in your mouth, but you can always spit it out later. Don't let anger and hatred take you to places that you don't want to go. If you fill yourself with these negative emotions, then you leave little or no room for any thing positive.

REMEMBER THAT MOMMY LOVES YOU
Whatever and wherever you go in life, ALWAYS remember that I LOVE YOU. If there was one thing that I could do in life to shield you from one day's harm,I would do it without hesitation. I would lay down my life just to make you smile- if that's what it would take. I have struggled and sacrificed every day just to keep you happy and safe, and if I were able to go back and start my life again, despite our situation now, I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING. I would gladly do it all over again for you. You are my reasons for getting up in the morning. You are reasons for trying so hard to in life. Without, I would have no one to love. I just hope that you love me at least a little. ALWAYS remember that i am trying my best to be a good mom and dad to you. 

Well, that is all that I have to say for now. I hope that you read my words and know that you are loved. I hope that the joys that you have given me life, come back to you ten fold, and that the sorrows that I have faced, never come to you. These are words from my heart to yours. Take them in and keep them in a special place inside of you. You are my world Addy. I love you no matter what you do or where you may end up going in life. I am not ashamed of you. i am not ashamed of what we are right now. I am proud to have you. I have one beautiful son. I have a loving son. i know one day you will understand, and i hope when that day comes, you will also say that you love me too..

Will love you always,

Single Mom Prayer

My God, I have such a wonderful child, a most precious gift I do not deserve. My heart melts into joy each time he looks at me, each time he calls me “Mommy“. He would embrace me and kiss me and all my troubles will disappear in a moment. Nothing else matters except his laughter and the brightness of his eyes. You know I would give him everything. I would give him the world if I can only do it. Gladly would I sacrifice everything for him, even my own life if need be so.

He brought me hope, he gave my life direction and a meaning I’ve never known before. Surely Lord, you have saved me through this child. Through him you have made known to me how much you love me.

But I am not worthy O God. I feel so incapable of taking care of your most beautiful gift to me. For what can I possibly give this child? My failures? My brokenness? My shameful past? What can I teach this child? How can I mould him into the person he was meant to be? What shall a single mom like me pray?

Yet you gave him to me, you’ve brought him unto my cold and shaking hands. Surely you must know my weaknesses, yet you must have also known I would call upon you to help me and to provide for the things I cannot do.

Help me O God. Heal me of my wounds so I may not pass on to him my bitterness. Heal me of my insecurities that I may teach him how to have confidence on himself. Blot out my sins that he may not be cursed for mistakes he wasn’t even aware of, and so that he can have a wonderful future ahead of him. Fill my heart with love even if I’m all alone. For how can I possibly give away that which I do not have? It is not easy indeed to be a single mom. Grant me wisdom. Grant me strength to face a harsh world so I can provide for him and give him everything he needs. Say unto me Lord that I am not alone for you will be my lifetime partner, and you yourself will be his Father. This child is blessed, this I know, and I thank you for all that you have ever done and all that you have in store for us from your boundless mercy and unceasing love.AMEN!

To all the single moms out there, I salute you. I hope that this prayer of a single mom somehow resonates the true prayers of your heart and inspires you in believing that the answer is sure to come, and is certainly on the way!

A Woman Is Now A Mom

I remember vividly the moment that I became a mother. Not in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense.

It wasn’t the moment of conception, or the day that I found out that I was pregnant. It wasn’t when I felt the first kick of my precious addy’s little foot, nor was it when they lifted him and placed him in my arms, still wet and screaming after his exit from my womb. It was in a moment of blinding joy the evening after he was born.

I tried to rest that first night, after giving birth, but I couldn't sleep. While kirsten is in her la la la land already, I kept my baby with me most of the time.. I counted his fingers and toes. I nursed him. I started writing in my small notebook all information about Addy. Later that night I nursed himr to sleep and put hir in the bedside bassinet. I turned off the lights and climbed into bed after checking on him several times, just to make sure he's okay. Then I got back up and just stared at him. I felt as if my heart swelled several sizes and then I burst into tears. I was absolutely overwhelmed by the need to protect him, love him and do whatever was necessary to make sure he was perfectly happy. I tried thinking of a name because what i have is for a baby girl. I checked him again, just to make sure he's sleeping, he's fine. I texted everyone in the Philippines, States and even friends in Saudi and Oman.

The world seemed to stop spinning; only ADDY and I existed. Nothing else mattered.


And after 6 months, I realized that of all the things I've done in my life, nothing feels more important than the responsibility of raising a person brimming with self-confidence, the ability to love and the desire to contribute to society.

I am proud that my little one has never known a moment without love. A he grows older, he may not always recognize that love comes in a variety of forms: he may gripe about limited TV viewing, or roll his eyes at the thank-you and welcome letter that I insisted winnipeg people to write during my babyshower. But one day, my son will get it.

Being a mom feels like the most important job in the entire world. In effect, I can create a masterpiece! Sure, my son comes with genetic material that controls more than we know, but I have the awesome ability to direct those inborn traits to their fullest potential.

I can't be perfect at motherhood. But the well-being of my child demands that I always do my best. One day he will blossom into a man who is in charge of his own destiny, and is appreciative of the life he has been given -- if I do my job right.


If I could, I'd put "mommy" on my resume, because nothing has taught me as much responsibility, or given me as many new skills, as 9.10 kg wonder named ADDY -- who is now eating fresh mangoes, biscuits, and crawling around the house.

The most rewarding, and surprising, thing about motherhood is how much I can affect the future, even after I am gone. My son will one day graduate from climbing the dining room table to scaling much greater heights. And a lot of that is up to me.

On Being A Single Mom

It's long been assumed that motherhood brings meaning to our lives. We guide, love, nurture and support our offspring and sometimes feel appreciated in return -- all elements that can fuel our connectedness and satisfaction in the world. It's easy to find meaningful moments as a mom, but it's when things are tough that it seems we don't know how to interpret what meaning is. What if the greatest reward and meaning of being a mother is the growth our children force us to do?

Being a parent is a very hard job no matter how you slice it, but to further the true blessing that children are is to work equally hard on being conscious and mindful of the growth our kids call forth in us. Perhaps your patience needs work or your critical side needs to be quieted or you need to learn compassion or you could stand to give up some perfectionism. Parenting in a kind and loving way can only come if we face these issues in ourselves. Maybe this is the true meaning behind being in relationship with these souls.

As a parent, you accept from the start that it is all your fault. Every last inhibition, weakness and thing that goes wrong in your child's life is down to you -- however old they are. If they get bullied, bully, pick the wrong course at university or marry the wrong girl, it is all because you did it wrong. As a parent -- deep-down, you know you suck. You know it is not the kid's fault (however old the kid is) -- you made a hash of it.

I don't know it I am making sense here, I just feel like writing, writing randomly. Just whatever, probably I am back to reality that I have to face this journey alone. well, not really alone because I have my adorable ADDY with me.

I then realized. being a parent is really hard. Now, i imagine what my parents went through. Albeit, being a single parent is harder. You have to work twice as much. You have to work 24/7, there's no rest day, no salary, no lunch breaks,  no meeting, but it's full of overtime, of sacrifices for ADDY, of love for ADDY. After 6 months....it's sinking in....

It's hard because not all people can understand or willing to understand probably because they can't feel the things that i am going through...or any mothers are going through. I guess they have to be a mother first before they understand.


and as i am writing this senseless note..... someone send me an email......

"She Reminds Us"
by/with Mike Greca
Dedicated to all mothers

In mothers arms a baby sleeps
She swears she hears an angel breathe
Baby wakes and hungrily
By mammas breast the baby feeds

She Reminds Us
That love can conquer anything

Daddy's left them all alone
Always drinks but never phones
But she'll make sure her baby grows
If it's the last thing in life she ever does

She Reminds Us
That love can conquer anything
She reminds us
There are some things only wider eyes can see

Boy he grows
By mammas love
And mamma knows
That heaven above
Gives its angels just enough
Though daddy could not give
Mamma loves him twice as much to cover it
And the boy he grows.....

Days than years go flyin' by
And mamma's still working overtime
Makin sure her little boy becomes
Twice the man his father never was

She reminds us
There are some things only wider eyes can see
She reminds us
That love can conquer anything
Mamma loves, and her love is loud
Boy he grows into a man strong and proud
Mamma loves, and her love is loud
She reminds us that love can conquer anything

here's the video link for the song lyrics.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy1qtdmndUI

after watching the video......i realized that my eyes are wet....my heart is pounding.....

to all the mothers out there....im proud of you....i hope one day i can be proud of myself as well..

Mother's Love

One of my favorite quotes is this: "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

As soon as I had my first child, I learned that as soon as that baby makes its appearance in the world you must start letting go. I remember being pregnant with Adrian, and having that security knowing how safe he was inside of me. That bond that you have with that little one, the little kicks that only you can feel, the flips and the flops, the stomping on your bladder....I remember despite the joy of the moment of finally getting to hold the baby in my arms, being a little sad knowing that my child would never be so close and so safe inside me again.Knowing that we now have to face all the cruelness in te world. So in a way it was a bitter-sweet moment for me.

Being a mom has taught me so much in the short 3 months that I have been at it. It has taught me that my heart is indeed capable of limitless love. Being a mother to someone requires patience, love, understanding, and the realization that being a mother is not an easy task. You have to be a comforter, a booboo kisser, a tickler, a get the monster out of the closet exterminator, a bug squishier, a chef, a Martha Stewart clone, cool, a personal shopper, a chauffeur, and so many other things. you will cry with them when they have to go to the ER because of high fever or mild asthma. you will change a million diapers, you will wonder when you'll get to use the bathroom alone again.

I believe someone once said that motherhood is the hardest job for which one never gets paid. But I believe that we do get paid. The currency is just a little different. Instead of dollars and cents, we receive hugs and kisses. In place of a bonus or raise, we get a cuddle, or an “I love you.” We don’t have a yearly review. Instead we get that warm fuzzy feeling when our child masters a skill, or does something to make us very proud. Unlike the stock-market, we invest in our children with our time, our teachings, and our love. And the return is ten-fold. The “boss,” or our children, may not notice our hard work. Yet we keep “clocking-in.” Why? Because this is the most important job that we will ever have. We may want to call in sick sometimes. But we won’t get fired. We won’t quit.

I can't wait til my little boy can say those words to me... "i love you mommy"
hayhay i love you baby boy

Unknown Emails

Back to blogging, just proves that shit is again just around the corner.

Has been a long time since I last wrote my heart out and now I can't even find the right words or emotions for the reason why I wanted to write again.

Could be...

Rage? Yeah, I'm in rage. I am not hurt, for hurt is such a weak word, I am angry. I want to explode and let all the anger out. I want the whole world to know that I am so pissed yet I remain quiet. I want to create a scene, a scene that all who'll witness will not forget and the look of rage in my face will be etched in the mind of everyone who'll see. But. I know I shouldn't. I know I should take the high road and be the better person. I know exploding will just cause more harm, more rage, more suspicions than good.

Or may be,

Alone? Yes, I am alone. I am surrounded by the bestest friends in the world but I still can't help but feel alone. Everyone seems to be there for me yet I am not where everyone seems to be. I know I have my little boy but still, I cant help it....at times, i still feel alone..

Or just..

Broken? I definitely am broken. I've been broken a number of times before. Have been repaired. But somehow, once you break no matter how hard you try to mend yourself, no matter who tries to fix you, no matter how long you try to patch and heal the broken pieces of you, you will always be broken and may never be restored to your true form. And, so am I.

And

Damaged? Too deeply damaged. I've been mocked, ridiculed, be-littled and jeered at by people who consider themselves righteous, that I would guess would not even understand a single word in this blog and was not taught the Subject-Verb agreement way back in high school but still, I again remained silent. I've been talked about for things other people doesn't even know of. Painful words have been thrown at me. Words that I know I am not and I could never be. Knowing myself, I could easily fight back for which I have all the right to, yet I didn't. IT"S BECAUSE OF ADDY....BUT calling my son "BASTARD" is a different thing...

May be

Deprived? Deprived by my own moral standards. Deprived of my own happiness. Deprived of doing what I want or even deprived of just wanting it. Deprived of following my heart. Deprived of things that could turn out to be a bridge to happiness, to contentment, to peace of mind.

But still

Hopeful. I know deep down, though the end may still be far away, there would be light at the end of this tunnel. Strong as I may be now, I know, I can still be stronger, I can pick myself up, and though broken, damaged, amd deprived but no longer angry, I have faith that I can be truly happy, of peace and contented.

I know, I have to do this...for me and addy.....

Oh No, It's A Boy!

I was surprised to know that my baby is a boy. Don't get me wrong, I am happy! However, I was pretty convinced that my baby will be a girl. So convinced that I prepared for a baby girl's name (Arriana Laurene) BUT I DO NOT HAVE A NAME FOR A BOY!

During my 9 months of being pregnant, I never had the lihi (cravings or pregnancy symptoms) I never had morning sickness. I never had dark spots. I was blooming. I was happy despite my current situation. So everyone will say, Oh, It's a girl! (ay, babae yan!)

But since it is pretty expensive here in Canada, I decided not to know the gender in advance. So here I am, surprised by my baby's gender.

I have to go home the morning after. Yes, I technically stayed 24 hours in the hospital. I have to think of a name pronto!

My baby boy's name is ADRIAN ENRICO!

Adrian from my Mom Arrian (change the 2nd R to D)

Enrico from my Dad Enrico

There! 

His nickname will be Addy. It was given by my Aunti Pet. Thank you Mama (Lola) Pet for a cutie nickname! see you guys soon when we get back!

xoxo

My Birth Story | Labor Of Love In Winterpeg

After nine months of having a big belly while trying to exercise for easy labor and making the most out of my WINTERpeg expedition (I hate snow guys), borrowing pants from my cousins and trying to eat healthy as possible (add up the diet that I hated because of my gestational diabetes from 4months until the time I am giving birth) Finally, the long wait is over.

Giving birth is the most momentous part of pregnancy, and involves a lot of hard work, energy, and emotion. It needs support from family, friends and of course your partner. (At that time I have my aunties and uncles and some cousins in canada with me; parentals are in the Philippines)

Two weeks before I gave birth, I had brief periods of contractions that grew intense. My doctor said It is normal, it's braxton hicks. It is a sign that I am now ready anytime to give birth.

The night before the real labor, we had our usual Friday family bonding; movie, popcorn, butong pakwan, wine and beer for them. King came over and out of nowhere he just said "You'll give birth if not tomorrow, by Sunday and it will be a boy"

I smiled at him and said, "I hope so, but everyone is saying it will be a girl since nothing changed with my appearance at all" But King just smiled back at me.

Around 12midnight I crawled into bed and read a book until almost one. I had to sleep because I started palpitating   (I have Mitral valve prolapse and Mitral and Tricuspid valve regurgitation, just google the terms cause I dont want to be too medical here haha)

I woke up around 4am because I felt a little pressure, I just thought it's braxton hicks so I went back to sleep. then, I woke up again because I of the pain. I checked the time and it's 4:10am. I realized that this is it, I am in early labor.

I went back to sleep and try not to wake up after 10mins but I did. Right then, I texted my mom and told her I am in my 1st stage of labor already, my contractions are every 10mins apart.

My mom replied and she's worried and nervous as she said. So I told her, not to worry about me and just go back to sleep coz she's in the Philippines and worrying about me can't do anything. I dont want here to worry. (bad decision that I told her too soon)

The contractions continued but it was manageable its just that I wake up EVERY TIME I have contractions. Around 9am I decided to went upstairs since my cousin and aunt is awake already.
I told them "I am in labor!"

I keep on walking and walking but I am just a lazy walker.
I tried climbing on the treadmill but it makes me dizzy.
I tried to get some sleep coz I am really sleepy....(at the back of my mind, I wanted to call King! he's right...I am giving birth anytime and he's nowhere to be found ZzzzZZZzzz)

I worked through each contraction by closing my eyes and focusing on the end result: My Baby.
If it's a big or intense contraction, I hold tight to a pillow and breathe. I still manage to keep track how many mins apart my contractions was.

With Kirsten's help, we were able to record all my contractions. If it's a big contraction Kirsten will let me hold her tight (sorry cousin for the scratches) I remember her saying "Ate this isn't my job you know, but I do love you" 

Around 5pm my aunt, uncle and cousin decided to go to church since it's Saturday (Yes, we go to mass every Saturday here)

As soon as they left, I took a shower in case I will deliver my baby At least, I was able to take a shower. Take note that contractions are every 5 minutes already.

Since I am home alone with our doggie Mikko, I decided to call Tita Hazel and I told her I am having contractions every 5mins and she said loudly, "What! You should go to the hospital already crazy lady! Are you crazzzzyy?" then she shouted, "Ate Ely, Ley is in labor and contractions are every 5 minutes already and she's still home!" "Call 911 hurry"

Before everybody in their house freaks out, I told her it's just me and mikko who's home and it's okay coz they will be home soon (Nope, don't want to pay 911, I can still take it) and the pain is a bit manageable still. Although at the back of my mind, If I am in the Philippines.... I am in Makati Medical Hospital already. (hahaha)

After I spoke to Tita Hazel I had a big contraction and I just shouted "MOOOOOOMMM"
then Miko started howling, I think he's trying to get some help coz he knows I am in pain. Miko keeps on howling from time to time whenever I hold onto something tightly because of the contractions.

Around 6:15 my aunt arrived already I told her my contractions are every 5-4mins apart.
Then she observed me, she said, "You're not going to give birth anytime soon cause you can still take the pain, you might counted the minutes wrong. Look at you, you're not crying at all"  But despite that comment, I know it's soon.

Around 8pm my contractions we're 3 minutes apart but like what my aunt said I can still take the pain, I just close my eyes, hold tight to a pillow and breathe. A few mins later, My Auntie from the states called, I told her I am currently in labor with 3mins contractions apart. She said,"You should go to the hospital already because you might give birth anytime, even if you can take the pain, you need to be checked cause you don't know how many CM are you now"

So we Mama Dina monitored my contractions then we decided we will go to the hospital alreadycause YES, it is every 3 minutes apart.

Around 8:30 we left the house, we arrived at the hospital around 8:45pm. In the admitting section the lady asked few questions;
Name
Address
Landline number
Copy of my passport
What the hell am I doing in Canada?
Why am I giving birth there?
She told me I have to pay for everything coz I am considered as a foreign patient..etc...etc....so on and so on. I just want to tell her that baby is coming out really, really, soon.

Then we went to the triage already. The nurse checked my blood pressure and how far I am.
She said, "OH MY! you're 10cm already"

My Aunt and I were shocked coz I am fully dilated already. At the back of my mind, I was scared, If I stayed any longer at home I could have given birth at home! Just like what my cousin Amiel wants to happen since he is a paramedic he wants me to be his patient but like King he is nowhere to be found as well. (hahaha)

They brought me upstairs in my labor/delivery/private room.
The nurses had to be fast. They check the heartbeat of my baby, my heartbeat, my sugar level and my blood pressure. Baby is okay. But I am not. My sugar is very high as well as my blood pressure. I thought I will deliver my baby in cesarean section, but they said I can have it delivered normally since I am fully dilated already, but now it's too late for an epidural. Great! No anesthesia but do I really need it still? Cause I manage the labor part which most of the people say the hardest part.

At that point, I am having severe back pain since I have scoliosis so the nurse decided to put a warm compress on my back and it helped a lot.  After a few mins, my contractions was every 2mins, EVERYTHING BECAME INTOLERABLE.

The hustle and bustle of the nursing staff bothered me -- I wanted complete silence. "QUIET," I said. "You're doing great," replied the nurse. (imagine, I have 3 nurses in the room, plus Kirsten, Ate Michelle, Auntie Dina and Auntie Dhel. Papa Caloy and Kuya Geoff were just by the door. Oh My)

Around 10pm I can feel the urge to push. I asked the nurse, Where's the doctor? The nurses replied, "She will only come if you're crowning already"

Unbelievable, but I can feel my baby's head is down already.

The nurse asked if I wanted some pain reliever and I said No, I was able to bare the pain and I want to experience this the natural way.

She went out to get some stuff. Since I do really feel the urge to push and I cant take the pain anymore, I buzz them and told the nurses outside that I am having the baby soon.

They all hurried inside my room. The nurse decided to check me again since baby is not crowning and may water bag is still intact. Then she said "Oh, I can feel the head, it's sideways that's why she's not crowning" then accidentally she popped my waterbag.

The nurses told me to push only when there's contractions and so I followed them. One nurse checked my blood pressure and it went up to 150/90 so she decided to put IV on me. At the back of my mind, I knew something is wrong with my BP and if I am in the Philippines, I will deliver my baby in the C-section, but I tried my best to remain calm as possible. I prayed hard while pushing. I just thought soon this will be all over. as my baby's head crowns, the doctor came in, while she's putting on her gloves I had a big contraction so I pushed so hard and I really blurted out I can feel I am ripping then my baby's head is out already.

No time for my Doctor to put on her second gloves and they all shouted "stop pushing" and since I'm not fully lying down, hmmm , how do I call the position? Semi-seated/ semi lying position, I looked down, my baby's head is out already and the umbilical cord is wrapped around my baby's neck. The doctor had to remove the umbilical cord as fast as she can. (No wonder, my baby is sooo likot inside my tummy)

10:45pm, February 7, 2009 Canada time, my baby is out and IT'S A BOY! We are all surprised!!
I cried! I can;t contain my happiness! It was so surreal!

He cried for 3 seconds and as soon as he reached my chest, he stopped crying. I cried again. Finally, 9 months is over. I can be with my love, my baby boy..

Despite the tear jerking moment, I even had the chance to laugh and say King was right! I gave birth on the day he said I will and it is a boy. Now he should be a ninong.

I FELL IN LOVE THE MINUTE I SAW HIM.. The pain disappeared and I was so relieved to have him in my arms. I couldn't stop smiling. HE WAS PERFECT! He was even MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN I IMAGINED.

SADLY, MY PARENTS CAN JUST SEE HIM THROUGH PICTURES...
Sadly, I have to face this battle alone with my baby.

As I held him, the nurses and doctor had to stitched me but at that moment I can feel no pain anymore. One doctor is checking my baby's vitals while I held him close.

The doctor and nurses kept saying they were amazed because he was my first and the birth happened so fast. I was amazed I did it without drugs or any other Anesthesia. I didn't think I was capable of that. When the doctor offered me Percocet, I laughed. What? Do I need that for now?

The next day, 10AM, we were home already! As if I had a drive thru or fast food delivery but with a baby!

Next time, I will have more faith in myself. If I can have a natural, unmedicated childbirth, I can do anything. Women should have faith in themselves. Our bodies are amazing and can do anything. I have respect for all women who give birth no matter what their circumstances. Pregnancy and childbirth is an amazing thing.

Now, after a few months of having my Adrian home, I just thought that I can do everything now. I can surpass any trials that will come along our way. I was able to do it during my 18hour labor without pain reliever.

I HAD MY LABOR AT HOME, NO ANESTHESIA, MY PARENTS ARE NOT WITH ME. I AM A SINGLE PARENT. WHAT ELSE COULD MAKE IT HARDER? But you know why it was so easy? Because God is with me.


I SURVIVED THE BIRTH PROCESS, MY HEART DISEASES AND THE CRAZY GESTATIONAL DIABETES! Add up the weather! It was freezing 45 degrees when I gave birth. Hate Winnipeg weather!

I never realized, I could die at that moment. My life was at stake. but it was all WORTH IT