Day 4: Something you are OCD about

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder or also known as OCD  is an anxiety disorder characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). With obsessive-compulsive disorder, you may realize that your obsessions aren't reasonable, and you may try to ignore them or stop them. But that only increases your distress and anxiety. Ultimately, you feel driven to perform compulsive acts in an effort to ease your stressful feelings.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder often centers around themes, such as a fear of getting contaminated by germs. To ease your contamination fears, you may compulsively wash your hands until they're sore and chapped. Despite your efforts, thoughts of obsessive-compulsive behavior keep coming back. This leads to more ritualistic behavior — and a vicious cycle that's characteristic of obsessive-compulsive disorder. There's a difference between being a perfectionist and having obsessive-compulsive disorder. Obsessive-compulsive disorder can be so severe and time-consuming that it literally becomes disabling. (www.mayoclinic.com)

I think I am an OC person but not to a point that it is already a disorder. Okay, perfectionist will be a better term. 

So, what's my OCNESS all about? Blue ballpen, handwriting, and color coding

I was out last night with some friends when I asked if someone has a blue ballpen. Mac handed me ballpen and i grabbed it, wrote down on the tissue paper only to find out it's has black ink. I told Mac, "sis, it's black" I returned the ballpen to her and asked if Dearden has a blue ballpen. He asnwered, I don't have a ballpen with me" So I ended up looking through my bag. Luckily, I found my blue ballpen or else I won't be able to write.

Yes, I use Blue ballpen as my "main" pen color.

training notebook

Another thing about my handwriting is,  I know my penmanship not nice. Okay, I admit that, however there are few things that I want. It has to be neatly done, no erasures or else, I will be writing the whole page all over again. Whiteout is not welcome. 

Lastly, I don't just color code my files, I also color code the way I write.

And yes, I have different notebooks. One for my journal, another one for my daily to do's and personal errands, another one for my to do's at work

my french notebook

my 2011 To do's and meeting notebook for work

Feast For The Soul

A few weeks ago I bought a pack of cd because I wanted to burn worship songs and give it out to other people. Then, I decided to add some previous recorded talks. It felt good to be able to dig out all of my recorded talks again, I listened to them one by one. It didn't even bother me a bit that I was actually at work. The sound was just as sweet as the flowers blooming during summer. Every song from Still, to Nothing Is Impossible, to Happy Day nourished my spirit and warmed my heart. It was a true feast for my soul. Then, I realized, I miss Makati Feast so much.

I just realized what I have been doing since break feast started. I go online each night and listen to the previous talks. It became my daily routine. I feel there is something missing if I don't listen to at least 2 talks in a day, one as I wake up and then the other one, before I go to sleep. Thanks to one of my circle of trust who gave me the link of where to find the talks. 

We worked so hard for us to be able to eat everyday so that our bodies will get the right amount of nutrition that we need. How about our souls? Our souls ended up hungry everyday because we don't feed them. We forgot our souls even if it is easier to feed than our bodies. The food for our souls is everywhere, and free plus you can't over eat. Best of all, the meal tastes even better when you share it with others. 

Let's all take the time to nourish our souls everyday. Just like how we maintain our love tank and refill them before it's empty, let us also maintain our souls tank full. Listen to beautiful music and sing along yourself, praise and worship our dear Lord. Read inspiring words and share your thoughts to enlighten others. Help those who are in need and thank those who help you too. Share you extra blessing and bless someone.. Take the time to pause and watch the sunset as you thank the Lord for a beautiful day that he has given you. If you're a parent, play with your kid until your arm feels tired but your heart feels light. Wake up saying, "What a beautiful day! Good Morning Lord, Thank you for waking me up" Like what Sister Mara said, pray without ceasing. Pray when things are going bad but don't forget to pray and thank the Lord when things are doing great. Pray to always grow in love, joy, and peace. Make an appointment with God everyday and keep it, make it a habit to read your bible everyday and have a selah moment as you chew each words because that is what feeding your soul is all about. Others may say that we lived in a cruel world, yes we do, but this world is a never ending banquet of loving, sharing, giving, forgiving, accepting and living. We are God's children and he loves us so much that he wants us to enjoy the feast that he prepared so grab a chair, Smile, thank the Lord, be a Jesus to someone and enjoy the feast.

Christmas Letter For My Babylove

Dear Addy,


When the time comes that you can read this I want you to know that at the moment I am telling that the true spirit of Christmas is about sharing, giving and forgiving. It is the time for the family to be complete. For  me being a family  depends on how deep the relationship is, how much you sincerely care about each other. It is not just family by blood but a family by heart. I want you to keep this in mind for a special reason. I know in time, you will understand what mommy means.


Today is our 3rd Christmas already. Whew! Time flies so fast. I can still remember our first Christmas and second Christmas. Addy, our Christmas may not be perfect, but I want you to know that it is full of love happiness and peace. Despite all of mommy's worries and fears, I am confident that you feel all the love that you need. I know you feel complete because never a day passed by that you have felt the love of everyone. You are surrounded with beautiful souls who love you the most. You are blessed with so many family and friends who cares for you, who loves you.


I know that I still need to learn a lot from this lifetime career of motherhood but somehow I feel that I have done some justice to the role. I always think of the man I hope you’ll become and I will continue to do the best that I can. I will guide you in your journey through childhood and into adulthood. I know you will be an honorable man someday. Someone who has the integrity and spirit of a true warrior. Someone who stands up and fights for what he believes in. Someone who has a deep faith and expresses his faith. Someone who will love mommy until the end of time.




You are my life Addy, without you, my life has no purpose nor meaning.  I can't tell you what it felt like when everything was happening because I can't think of words to describe it. For me, there's no words to describe it. Even with our current disposition, anak, I never regretted anything. I never regretted having you. I want you to know that I never thought of you as an accident nor a mistake, for me you will always be a blessing, a gift from God, an angel to guide and love me, an answered prayer, a miracle, yes I consider you a miracle. 
If there was one thing that I could do in life to shield you from one day's harm,I would do it without hesitation.
One day when you will have your own children, When you do have children, love them the way I love you. 


I am very proud of you Addy. Every milestone of yours was a personal victory for me. It feels like I won an award. This year you had so much achievements that made me proud. From setting the dining table, eating by yourself using the proper utensils, dressing up by yourself, washing the dishes, (yes, you are domesticated anak) being talkative like mommy (anak sometimes, you're like a parrot), being completely potty trained and most of all, being courteous; how you answer "opo", please, thank you, sorry, I love you and good night. I was just amazed and once again overwhelmed at what a little miracle you are. I am still your biggest fan Addy and forever I will be. I am still amazed how big you are now. How cute you are, how smart you are. At times, I even sounds like a third person admiring your good looks, captivating smile and smart personality. I am so in love with you little boy. I can't get enough of you.


Although things are more challenging for us this year. Sometimes I found myself in very difficult situations; the mess you made, the conflict of schedules of who will take care of you for the day, the tantrums you threw, and the other millions of naughty things that caused you to be on time out. We may had a few struggles this year But what I know is this: by having you, loving you, and being your mother, I am a better person and will be a better mother to you. You changed me and for that, I am grateful. The love you filled my heart each day is something that has no expiration and cannot compare to any other love on this earth.


I hope that the joys that you have given my life, will come back to you ten fold, and that the sorrows that I have faced, never come to you. These are words from my heart to yours. Never follow blindly. Be yourself, the way that you truly are. I wish you lived with inner peace in this world of turmoil and events. Remember that in every problem there is a blessing. I wish you continuous good health.  My little dearest angel, be the way that you want to be. Be yourself. You will always have my eternal love because you are mommy's world. I love you no matter what you do or where you may end up going in life. I am proud to have you because for me you are my greatest blessing.

This last year had filled with priceless memories and I look forward to so many more to come.


Thank you for coming into my life.
Thank you for being such a good boy
Thank you for being sweet to mommy
Thank you for giving me strength in every trial that we encounter
Thank you for giving me strength
Thank you for being my sanity, my source of happiness
Thank you for loving me the way you know how to.
Thank you for being my son.
Thank you for saving m, for giving me hope in a hopeless world
Thank you for inspiring mommy to do better everyday
Thank you for being your beautiful you. I love you.
Thank you for You saved me Addy. You gave me hope in a hopeless world.

You are still, and will always be, the light of my life.  You are still mommy’s little babylove! You are still by far my biggest source of joy and my biggest energy drain. you keep me going, you keep me laughing, you keep me wanting to live each and everyday. You are my strength Addy, you are my happiness, you are my sanity.


I look forward to learning life's lessons with you hand-in-hand. Thank you Addy! For making our 2011 the best! You continue to make mommy life worthwhile!




I love you Anak! 


Love your number 1 fan,


Mommy Ley

Day 3: A Photo Taken Over 10 Years Ago

It is part of our Filipino Tradition to celebrate Santacruzan. A Santacruzan is a religious-historical beauty pagent held in many cities, towns and even small villages throughout the Philippines during the month of May. One of the most colorful May-time festivals in the Philippines which depicts the finding of the Holy Cross by Queen Helena, mother of Constantine the Great. Many movie and television personalities participate in the events and are featured as major sagalas and escorts.

I've been a participant  so many times, but 10 years ago was my last Santacruzan. In this photo is my Cousin Anjel, Marvin (Anjel's cousin) Me, and Clay (my ex boyfriend who died of Brain tumor)

yes, this was our last picture together. He died after 7 months to be exact.

So this picture is very special to me :)

Day 2: 20 Of My Favorite Things

Sweet tooth

I rather receive chocolates than flowers. I love cakes and ice creams, these are my so called "happy food"

Passport

I grew up in a family who loves to travel. I remember how we went to Pagudpud with no plans at all. I love to travel within and outside the Philippines and explore the beauty of the world and experience different environment, cultures and nature.

Book

I love to read novels from different genre and era. Minus the tagalog ones

Journal

I love to write, from poems, songs to my everyday experiences and reflections that why I keep a journal with me. I also write my everyday TO DO's in my journal. Yes, I am an OC.

Music

Music also keeps me sane (besides Addy and chocolates) I listen to different genre depending on my current mood.

Pictures/camera

I want to keep every bit of my experiences :)

Portable dvd for addy

Being a solo mom of a toddler is tough, I have to bring his magic portable dvd to keep him sane.

Carseat for addy

Since most of the time I drive alone with addy. Its our bff! Of course, addy's safety is always first

Food

Who doesn'tt like food? I love to explor new and different restaurants.

Blackberry

My handy dandy all around phone, recorder, planner, memo pad, email sender. Do I need to explain further?

Perfumes/colognes

I love baby scent colognes and perfumes. 

Magnets 

Since I love to travel, I also love to collect magnets from the places thay I visited both local and international.

Letters/cards

Since I love to write and I am very sentimental, I keep notes, cards and letters. I also love to give random notes to my loved ones it may be through email, text message or old style "paper/post it' notes/letters.

Beach

I am a beach bum. I love to explore the wonders of different beaches in and out of the country. 

Camping

We don't do this in the Philippines, we do this in Canada since there is no beach ala boracay in Canada, this is our family bonding time.

Musical/play

I was in choir since elementary days. I just love to perform onstage. I love to watch musicals, ballet recitals and broadways as well. I must admit, I am an old soul. I saw a few ballet recitals of Ballet Philippines. I also watched Miss Saigon and The Sound Of Music. Next...Mama Mia :)

Ariel of little mermaid

She's my favorite princess! Ijust love Ariel :) She brings out the child in me.

Santa Claus

When I was a kidm I used to believe that Santa Claus existed. I am very excited evry Christmas. Now, as a mom, I still do believe that Santa Claus exists. It is our "santa in us". Us, being the Santa Jesus to other people. For me, the true meaning of Christmas is being a Santa to someone

Basketball 

Yes, I watched PBA since I was in first grad. From Toyota to Ginnebra days, to Ginebra- San Miguel days. My fave? Vince Hizon, Seigle and Abarientos. In NBA, MIAMI HEAT! wooohooo!

UFC

BJ Penn makes me oohh gaga. :) Especially when I was in Canada, my cousins will watch UFC every night.

Day 1: A Photo That Makes Me Happy

If there's a counterpart for liposuction just for me to gain weight easily, I will really save up for it. This is my usual dialogue. Growing up as a skinny kid, I am very desperate at least being on my average weight based on my age and height. Don't get me wrong, I do not have any eating disorder and my friends will totally agree with me on how I can eat two cups of rice in one meal *yes, I am proud*

So when I was pregant, I am very ecstatic with every pound that I gained. My Obgyne will always have this curious look on me as she says, "you know what? you're the first prego mom that looks so happy and all excited to know how much you gained for the week". I would simply smile back at her. Looking at my pregnant pictures makes me happy because I know I was able to achieved my average weight according to my age and height. Of course, there are so many other things to be happy about while I was pregnant, despite of being a solo parent, I am very excited to see my little blessing *but that will be covered in the coming days*

I weight 138lbs when I gave birth to Addy *yes, I gained a lot of it, 45lbs to be exact* and I prayed each day and night to keep it, however, I shred off the weight effortless since I was breastfeeding at that time. So now, these pictures are my "inspiration". I look at them most of the time. Yes, I miss my prego body. I miss every inch of fats in my body. I hope, one day, I will be as healthy as I was. Yes, If there's a counterpart for liposuction, let me know, so I can start saving up.

30-Day Blog Challenge

I saw this first on my cousins blog and I was challenged so here am I accepting this challenge if I can finish the whole task in 30 days.Below are the topics that you need to watch out for

Day 1    A photo that makes you happy

Day 2    20 of my favorite things

Day 3    A photo taken over 10 years ago of you

Day 4    Something you are OCD about

Day 5    Your dream house

Day 6    A song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Day 7    My worst habit

Day 8    What’s in my handbag/purse

Day 9    Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Day 10  A dream for the future

Day 11  Who can’t you live without?

Day 12  If you could wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish for?

Day 13  Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?

Day 14  What do you like most about yourself?

Day 15  What do you dislike most about yourself?

Day 16  What do people notice about you?

Day 17  What’s something you wish you could say to someone?

Day 18  Whom do you admire the most?

Day 19  What is your goal in life?

Day 20  What are the 10 most significant events in your life?

Day 21  If you died tomorrow, what’s one thing you’d regret not doing?

Day 22  What’s an inside joke you have with someone?

Day 23  Two months ago, where were you and what were you doing?

Day 24  Do you have saved text messages?  If so, who are they from and why do you still have them?

Day 25  Write 5 messages to 5 different people without using names.

Day 26  What’s something you’re really excited for?

Day 27  What do you feel guilty for doing?

Day 28  Tattoos.  If you have one, post it and its story.  If not, what do you want?

Day 29  Picture of your makeup collection

Day 30  When were the happiest days of your life?

I cannot promise that I can do the blog everyday, but I will TRY my best to finish this in 30 days...and half, kiddin!

An Open Letter For You

Friend, I want you to know that we're here for you, definitely, you deserve the best. Always remember, God doesn't take away what's good for us, and if he does, he just want you to have the BEST! All questions are now answered. God gave you the answer. 
Can you imagine yourself living a life full of infidelity, dishonesty and cruelty? Be positive, look at the brighter side. God did not allow you to be trapped in someone else's dream land. He did not allow you to live a life full of lies. He did not allow you to be trapped in someone else's false promises. He did not allow you to be in a complicated situation that can break not just your heart but your family's. Thus, God saved you from hell. Yes, I strongly believe that was hell. 

It is okay to cry. I know that you are in a very difficult and painful situation right now. Let it all out, pour your heart out to the Lord. I know that the pain is deep and the lost is real. It is okay to grieve. That's one step ahead in moving on. You may take a long path before you can finally move on but always remember that 
God loves you, we all love you. Together, I know you will be able to surpassed this problem. With God's grace, you will be able to see the light out of this dark tunnel. Just pray. Be still. Nothing is impossible with God. 
Don't lose hope. As they said, in our choices, sometimes we're right, sometime we learn. Take this as another lesson in life that will make you stronger than before. Take this as a learning experience. Remember, you always need to spare some love for yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't beat up yourself. I hope this experience will not hinder you in trusting and loving again. We all go through these experiences because God wants us to learn something from it. I strongly believe that in every problems, mistakes, misfortunes, there is a blessing. 
Always remember, we are here for you. No conflict schedule, no distance, no network barrier, no broken relationships, no bad experiences and problems can hinder with our friendship. 


We love you.

PGH: Angels and Miracles

I always had a soft heart for kids especially to those who are in need, may it be financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, or even the mentally challenged kids. Being a mother made me love kids to the highest power. It made me realized how bittersweet it is to be a mom. Sweet because we get paid by hugs, kisses and I love yous. Bitter when our kids are sick or in pain because if we can only take away all the pain so that they will never endure such a bad feeling. 

Today, I am honored to be given a chance to take part in such an overwhelming experience of gift giving. Two of my Fab friends will celebrate their birthday this December and they decided to share their blessing with the diabetic patients in PGH. 

We had so much fun, we started the program of course worshiping our good Lord through Nothing is impossible, Lord I Give you my heart and Oh Happy day. We had games such as the ever famous "bring me", caroling game (my favorite). We were also given the chance to witnessed the amazing talents of Sis Lysa's friends through voice acting. Of course, we had food that very suitable for our adorable guest. We also had a lot of picture taking, laughing, bonding, and sharing of experiences (makati feast trademark :D) 

Of course, we also have surprises for our birthday celebrants. Again, I wish them both the best. I am honored to know these two beautiful ladies who inspired me more to serve. Both of them are my new inspiration in reaching out to those who are in need. They inspired me with their big hearts and beautiful soul and with that I will be forever grateful because I know them. 

We ended the program by giving our little gift for them. We prepared 55 colorful loot bags for the diabetic patients filled with goodies that they need: from medical supplies, food, toys and learning materials and school kits. Thank to Sister Lala who went to divisoria to but these colorful loot bags. When Sis Lysa announced that we are giving insulins and syringes, I just saw the magical smiles not only bythe kids but as well as their parents as they cheered "yeheeeyyyy" 
It felt so good seeing and hearing how happy our guests were. 

The room was filled with Christmas songs as the gift giving ceremony takes place. Each servant gave their Santa hats to a diabetic guest. As explained by Sis Lysa, we are their santa today, but we also hope that they will also be a Santa to others. 

We officially ended the program with a powerful prayer led by Sis Gegs. But, there's more. We still have 90 loot bags to give to the ward patients. We decided to divide ourselves into group of 10 so that evweryone in the ward will be prayed over. There I met Baby Salvador, Born Dec 3, 2011, 7months, with pneumonia. I remember my nephew Gabriel who's a premie baby as well. After the prayer, I gave our little Xmas gift to Ate Nelia. When I was about to go to the next patient, I heard a loud beeping sound. I saw the doctors trying to revive a one day old baby girl named Carmi. All servants went towards her bed, raised our hands over her and started praying continously as her grandmother sulk herself on the floor as she cries out loud 'bakit, matagal ko pinangarap magka apo ng babae, tapos kukunin mo lang". She keeps on wailing, as we all keeps on praying. As the cry goes louder, I prayed harder and louder too. 
As I pray and lift Baby Carmi to our Lord, I really can't explain the feeling. It was a heavy feeling inside and yet I felt like floating. I felt an electricity going through my spine. I continue to pray as I held to my rosary bracelet. I can feel a warm energy inside the room. It feels like I can hear the angels singing or praying with us (or it's just Lynch, or Chester since they are the nearest person to me) After 20 to 30mins of continous praying, the doctors were able to revived baby Carmi. As I look around us, I saw how our group prayed so hard for this little angel, puffy eyes and sweaty foreheads are proofs to that. 

As Mariah Carey's song goes.... 

Many nights we prayed 
With no proof anyone could hear 
In our hearts a hope for a song 
We barely understood 
Now we are not afraid 
Although we know there's much to fear 
We were moving mountains 
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes 
There can be miracles 
When you believe 
Though hope is frail 
It's hard to kill 
Who knows what miracles 
You can achieve 
When you believe somehow you will 
You will when you believe 

Miracle unfolded right in front of us. What can be the best gift other than that? I know, the angels helped us prayed not just for baby Carmi but for all the patients in the ward. I thank the Lord for his unfailing love for everyone. It was indeed a blessed day for all of us. For me, it is a day of "Santa Angels meeting little angels equals miracle" This proves, once again, that prayers do move mountains especially if we pray all together. Nothing is impossible with God ♥ ♥ ♥

Jesus In My Life

Who was your Jesus growing up?

Who was a Jesus to you at some point?

Over the years, I encountered a lot of Jesus in my life but now I would like to share who were the people in my mind earlier.

My Lola

Growing up as an only child is not easy, I don't have a constant playmate, I never experienced the sibling happiness and rivalry. I must say, I grew up not the stereotyped bratty daughter. At that time, both parents are busy working. I remember how they juggle me from our house to my lola's house. I'll sleep at our house, but when I wake up, I'll go to lola's house and that's where I eat, get ready for school and do my homework.

My lola is my second mom. I admit, I may not be spoiled to my parents when I was a kid but I am spoiled by my lola. Until now, she's 86years old but continues to shower me and Addy with love and care.

My circle of trust

You know who you are. Thank you guys for being my support group. You may not know each other but I know that you're bonded by God that's why each one has a "special task" in my life. Each one has a unique role in my life. Your presence comforts me. Your assurance and affirmation warms my heart. You continuously fill my love tank.

Ruthie

Of course, my one and only :)

The one who invited me to the Feast. I've known you since 4th grade. We've been through a lot. One thing I'm sure of, were definitely for life, for keeps. Thank you sis!

Lastly, Addy's dad. Yes,

I saw Jesus in him. You know why? Because he's part of a greatest gift. He gave me Addy, my one true love. If not for him, I will not have Addy at this moment. If not for him, I will not be as optimistic as I am. If not for him, I am not this strong. He may not be around, but Addy took over his place. Addy is the one continuing the "being Jesus". For that, I will still forever be grateful because I have the most beautiful blessing. My Son, My Addy.

Given a chance to change my past, I will still choose the same path that I took. I will still choose the same disposition in life because with my past desert experience, I discovered how beautiful life is. I met genuine friends. As my uncle said last night, it is only during the time of darkness that you can see the stars.

Disclaimer: These are the few people that came into my mind right away, but I met and encountered so many Jesus in my life