Mommy's First Birthday Letter for Addy

Writing my thoughts down usually comes easy to me, but for once, I find myself speechless. I have started this letter repeatedly as I am not sure what exactly to say. I guess I shall start with the words that I tell you each night before you go to bed: I love you my dear Addy. 

A year ago, you entered the world, stole our hearts and forever changed our lives. I remember that winter morning a year ago very vividly, when you came knocking at the door early morning. I guess you were ready to step into this world and move ahead, as you do so powerfully since that day. I remember so clearly meeting you for the first time, which was one year ago today. The doctor pulled you out and held you up, and when I saw you for the first time, you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! You cried and it made mommy cry because I had waited so long to meet you and hear that sound. I held you in my arms and said; “Hi son!” and you looked right in my eyes and stopped crying.It was the most magical moment of my entire life. In that moment, I knew I was your mother and you were my son and you would change my life forever… I remember holding you in my arms for the first time and experiencing the whole gamut of feelings from anxiety to elation and bliss. My whole reality changed in that instant that I became your mom.

When we brought you home, I did not want to be away from you for even a moment. You were such a beautiful baby. I have to admit that for how many months I did not sleep, even though you did. I would lay awake at night listening to you breath. Feeling your heartbeat and waiting for the time you would wake so that I could see you again and get to know you even better and each day when that time arrive you and I would both wake with a smile on our face. I would look into your eyes each morning with the realization that I seemed to have known you all my life and I can’t explain that feeling to anyone but it is one that has filled me with more hope and love than I have ever known.

I am your biggest fan baby Addy and forever I will be. 

And now a year has passed since that amazing day. In this incredible year, I saw your very first smile, heard your first giggles, and I cheered you on when you began to roll for the first time. I cheered and cried as you struggled to crawl because I was so proud and amazed at how far you’d come. You came into this world, 5 lbs and 8 oz…a tiny little baby, so pink and soft, so innocent and dependent and absolutely perfect in every way. Now, you are a little boy…25 lbs, laughing, talking, charming waving every person who is lucky enough to meet you. You are standing and walking on your own. You are one today, but beginning a journey—A journey that will take you in many different directions and teach you many things. As I sit here and watch you cautiously take your first of many steps in life, I think of the man I hope you’ll become and that I will do anything under the sun to be a good mother to you and guide you in your journey through childhood and into adulthood. I know you will be an honorable man someday, with the integrity, strength, and spirit of a true warrior-- someone who stands up and fights for what he believes in. 

You melt my heart every time you smile, and when you lay your head on my shoulder after a long day…it helps make the world right again. Never in my life have I been so excited to wake up…it’s because I get to wake up next to you, my angel. I look so forward to when you wake up and seeing your precious, smiling face and I am excited for what the day might hold for the two of us. 

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you, that my heart doesn't ache to hold you, or wonder what you would be like on your first birthday. But I know this: by having you, knowing you and loving you, I am a better person and will be a better mother to you. You changed me and for that, I am grateful. The love you filled my heart each day is something that will never spoil and cannot compare to any other love on this earth. 

This past year, I have watched you develop into a spirited young boy. You love music, especially when I sing. Every night I will sing to you as I dance with you in my arms. It's my special time with you and I hope you see how much joy you bring to me as I sing your lullabies. I am excited to continue to be your guide, your teacher, and your cheerleader as you discover the world around you. Know that I will always be there for you to celebrate your achievements and to help catch you in case you might fall. Also, know that you have taught me as much as I have taught you. I learned how to see the world through a different lens. From the amazement and wonder that I see as you discover something new to the determination and resolve that resonates as you test your limits. I have learned how a simple smile can turn my day around and how discovery is such a multi-faceted experience--for this I am humbled.

You have inspired me by just being you. The relentless effort you put into discovering the world and developing your skills in all its tiny variations have astounded me more than once. It makes me wonder why and when we lose the ambition and energy to be so vigorous in developing ourselves.

You have also awakened another level of being me. You made me think about life in a different perspective. You made me think about life beyond my own and its consequences, this still has me puzzled in many wonderful ways. Know that I’ll be here for you on your path through this thing called life. You can count on me for being there when you need support in all its subtle appearances. A hand to help you when you attempt your first steps, a hand to catch you in case you might fall, attempting another audacious effort at something you don’t master (yet). Keep on filling the pages of your book in your unique way, I’ll be reading along and helping you along the way. 

Sweet Boy, everyone who meets you is touched by your beauty. By your exceptionally deep embrace. By the way you take us in, and pour out your heart, startling us with the endlessness of your hug, how you pat us on our backs so tenderly, and look us in the eye, and make us all, each one of us you meet, feel so incredibly beloved. The wisdom you shine, the solid, rooted physicality you embody; the way your humor accompanies so much of what you do, your laughter tumbles out of you, seemingly limitless. The way you “Maaaaa” deep-throated like a goat when you are delighted, the way you won’t be pushed around or forced to do anything you don’t please. The way at times, we wrestle to put you to sleep like a baby lion, and other times toned to sleep like a baby monk, your startling strength, your bright will, your gentlest fingers stroking us with love. And as we begin to see these glimpses of your ego coming in, these moments of stubborn opinion, these emotional expressions of your inherent “me”, the dreaded shrieks of “mine”, we are humored and we are humbled to behold yet another angel diving headfirst into this difficult and wonderful realm of humanness.


mommy's wishes for you..... 

I wish you would have reverence for life and respect and love for human beings. That is also my first principle in life. I wish you became an independent critical thinker. Don’t follow anyone, and school of thought or any “ism”. Be your own person, create your own world; probe everything and any thought carefully. Never follow blindly. Be yourself, the way that you truly are. 

I wish you would not lose your sense of wonder and fascination for exploration of this world. Be a pioneer, explore in any realm; physical world or the world of mind; but I wish you would not lose your sense of wonder for this infinite world. I wish you would always be a philosopher, like all other children that are true philosophers and look at this world with wonder.

I wish you lived with inner peace in this world of turmoil and events. Remember that in all history of humankind, we have always grown. Humanity is yet in his childhood and infancy. We are becoming less violent and more mature very slowly and gradually over the period of thousands of years. There is hope, and much room for growth. Always in desperate and painful situations, look at the longer time horizon. We are gradually growing up as a species.

My little dearest angel, be the way that you want to be. Be yourself. You will always have my eternal love. I promise that I will never take you for granted. I want to be the mother that you deserve and that is so much pressure because you deserve the absolute best. I hope that I never fail you. 

You are perfect. Not perfect in the way I used to understand it. I thought that perfection was unattainable and useless, but through my eyes, you are perfect. Even with the flaws, the tantrums, you are absolutely perfect and I would never change who you are. You are my son. You give me courage to face another day. You give me the strength to be better. 

I wish I could hold on to your youth forever. I know that you are growing faster than I can keep up with. Soon you will have morphed into a handsome and have gorgeous children of your own to adore. I know that I cannot hold on to this moment forever, but I hope that one day you will read this letter and understand how much I love you. That word still seems to small, but I will always love you, as your mother, your friend, your biggest fan. You saved me Addy. You gave me hope in a hopeless world. 

Tomorrow we both have to start a new chapter in our lives. I have to go back to work. I have to go back to work in order to help make sure we have all the things we need. It breaks my heart to think about leaving you but I know that this year being at home with you have been the greatest gift I ever could have asked for. This last year has been an amazing journey. It has been the most rewarding, incredible, special time in my whole life. I will cherish the experience of your first year of life in a special way, and treasure it always in my heart. 

Words cannot express how much I love you, my prince, and my precious son. You are my sunshine, my heart, my purpose for being. You are my everything. I am so very proud of you and honored to be your mommy. This last year had filled with priceless memories and I look forward to so many more to come.

Thank you for coming into my life.
Thank you for being such a good boy.
Thank you for giving me strength in every trial that we face.
Thank you for loving me the way you know how to.
Thank you for being my son.
Thank you for being your beautiful you. I love you.

Happy birthday, my sweet boy. I look forward to learning life's lessons with you hand-in-hand.

Daddy Ato

God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not meant to be,
So he put his arms around you
and whispered "Come to Me".
With tearful eyes we watched you,
as we saw you pass away.
Although we loved you deeply,
we could not make you stay.
Your Golden Heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best. 

When those we love go away, they never really leave us; they are with us now, wherever we are. Those whom we have cherished, live on forever, for love wraps itself around the heart. Although it's difficult now, someday beyond our tears and all the world's wrongs; beyond the clouds and all that we can see and touch,we shall all understand.

No matter where Daddy Ato is right now, He is happy because finally, he's HOME

Double Parents

I've often wondered why mothers without parenting partners were christened "single moms" when, in truth; they are "double parents." And if the term "single" is to imply marital status, then a large group of these "double parents" have sadly been overlooked. It is not the ring on your finger that gives your children a dad, but his willingness to be a part of the parenting process.

To be a single mom is to be strong, beautiful, courageous, eager, smart, and quick-thinking. You don't get much sleep, or much time for yourself. There’s the 12 AM bad dream and the 3 AM cries for a ba ba. There are the temper tantrums when you take away the slobbery telephone or remote control. Oh, and let's not forget those times your baby will crawl away, stick something in his mouth, and you turn around and don't have any idea where he went!

Being a single mom is a hard job, almost a career, even. Only the strong-willed survive the world of single parenting. And a little bit of help from the grandparents is always nice. But to be a single parent is to be a hero in your child's eyes. To look into that beautiful little face and see the biggest smile in the world, just for that cookie or turning on that movie, it is the greatest feeling in the world that cannot be matched or topped by any other thing. To see your little one takes his first steps and to know that nobody helped him get that far but you is ABSOLUTELY REWARDING

It’s a hard work being a single mother, the stigma that is attached, the feeling that the minute you let your guard down you will be attacked for your lack of moral fiber. But it is rare someone sets out to be a lone parent. I would love a good role model for my children, an everyday example of intelligent, sensitive maleness. But until that day, I hope they see what I am trying to do. 

I will never hate Addy’s father. To hate him is to hate a part of Addy. I want to teach Addy not to hate anybody. He will be allowed to talk about his feelings, but he will be required to do so respectfully. I want to teach Addy the value of respect for adults (even those he didn’t agree with), but most importantly, RESPECT FOR HIMSELF.

I know, I don’t have to tell Addy everything, but I will certainly tell him the TRUTH. I will let him to see things for himself in his own time.

Mommy Ley and Baby Addy= HAPPY FAMILY

La Bella Vitta

Mi Bella Vita.. Yes, My beautiful life.. not perfect.. but beautiful..

Some people are probably wondering how a young 26 year-old womanl, a single mom can still say how her life is so beautiful even if she got pregnant,unmarried and now trying to survive the motherhood alone. I thought about that before, when I first found out I was pregnant, I had a good life then, I had a job, my own room, my family, my own car plus i get to spend my money whichever way I want to and go out whenever I feel like it.

After the so called "moment of truth" somehow i felt alone and insecure because i know from that day forward i have to face everything alone. of course my family and friends are always there to support me but at the back of my mind, i can't help it but wonder how am i supposed to give my child a good life since it will be just the two of us? how am i going to explain to him what happened?  how am i going to explain to him how come we have an incomplete family? most of all what am i going to say if he asked where his dad is? For nine months, i tried my best not to think of negative thoughts so that my baby will not be affected but it is hard...really hard to pretend that everything is alright. good thing i have my friends and family around me.

So how can I say my life is beautiful? well it’s really what you make out of it. after seeing my son for the first time, right then and there i knew that everything is worth it! my 9 months plus 18hours of labor are all worth it. seeing him gives me more strength to fight and continue with our life. now I realized that i am happier with my life, it’s more than just getting to go out whenever or partying all night. I learned that success and true happiness is living your life the way you wanted to and being with the most important people in your life. I realized that most people search forever for that one person they wanna be with forever, i may be a single mom but i am with my one and only man (next to my dad) that i want to spend my life with: MY SON. MY ADDY.

I’ve been happy many times in my life, specially when i was young, but now, i’m entering this new chapter of my life with a smile. i may be a single mom, unmarried but who cares, i have my special joy, my angel, my protector, my son. he made everything seems alright. i know we still have to undergo a lot but having my family and friends around me, i know my son and i can do this.

i may be a single mom but i am happy because i have what i have always wanted: my own child, a loving family and friends that will be always there for us.. and if that's not happiness for others.. then tell me.. what is happiness?