Realization on a winterish night

 

I turn my back and walk away
from what you've made of me.
It's not because I  hated you
but because I'm hating me.

I tremble when I hear your voice,
quake when your step is near.
I hide when you come through the door.
I die, a woman in fear.

I once was strong, vibrant, and proud.
My smile was quick and true.
My step, once certain, now is not.
It walks timidly after you.

My laughter once was always there.
You beat it out of me.
I once could hold my head up high.
Today I kneel at your feet.

Humiliation, tears, and pain,
is what you've put me through.
You've taken all my dignity,
and made it all about you.

First your words destroyed my spirit.
Your fists painted me blue.
You made me despise who I am.
I hate myself for loving you.

There is one thing you gave to me,
something you left behind.
The only thing I thank you for,
is the strength I found inside.

Because I loved you deeply once,
I'm stronger than before.
Because I loved you deeply once,
I stand and walk out this door.

I climb up from the dirt and blood.
I wash away the glaze.
I will not be cowed by you.
I will not live in a haze.

I am not your dupe or victim,
your shadow, nor your whore.
I will not serve you hand and foot.
I will be your prey no more.

You cannot keep me on a leash,
from you I will be free.
I found the courage that I need.
I'm deeply loved by me.

Everyday, I always pray that God will take all the pain away. Everyday I am hoping that I can be mad at you even just for a day. I am broken and jaded. I can't forgive you yet, but I can't even manage to be mad at you. My mind is telling me to hate you, my heart is saying just let it pass coz it's over and things will never be the same no matter how mad I become. Today should be a good day, however, it turned out to be a nightmare. If only I can sleep the whole day, so that the time I wake up, it's a brand new day.

I know things happen for a REASON. In the future, I will know the reason behind this.