My Big Guy

I can’t help but feel sad.  In a few days you will go and move into another land.  I know you will meet new friends, and maybe forgot about me.  I know, I can imagine you saying, “Never” then probably hug me to give me more assurance.  I must learn to face life without seeing you at the feast, a day without a text nor a bbm message from you, or even your silly strategy to prove to me that I am still gullible..  I know that I am going to miss you so much.

My dear good friend, don’t mind me.  Even if it hurts me so much to see you go, I want you to know that I wish you well.  I hope you will be happy and settle there comfortably. I hope that you will build good relationships there.  I know you will not have a problem in building a social circle because you have such a winning personality.  My only wish is that you will remember to send me an email or find time to chat with me online whenever.  No, don’t find the time, you may not find it. Just make the time, okay.  Oh, forgive me for being such a demanding friend. (big smile :D )

Thank you for being such a good friend of mine, more than that, thank you for being one of my circle of trust. Thank you for being there to listen, to give me a hug or a pat on my back, to make me smile when all I want to do is cry. Thank you for always driving for me whenever I feel lazy to do so. Thank you for accepting me. I will forever cherish the memories that we made. You still owe me a few things, Gubat sa siyudad, isaw and trinoma date, but it's good that you still owe me those things. This will give you a reason to come back (conceited mode hahahah) Thank you for being you. Thank you for the constant reminders to bring an umbrella, yet I still don't bring one and when it rain, I will call you. As I said last night, "Paano na ako pag wala ka na? Sino na magsasaway sa akin? Who will make me laugh or smile if I'm sad?" I will always remember the days we shared.

Of all the many people that surround us, I wonder how one person can affect the life of another.  I pray that you will stay and not leave us, but we also don't want to stop you in pursuing your dreams.  I can’t be selfish.  My priority is your happiness. I will continue to pray for you and wish you luck as you face this new phase of your life.

And so I bid you “Bon Voyage, My Friend.”  Please don’t look back as you go, Bon voyage.  Be happy.  God bless you. Until we meet again.

For Rent

 I woke up one morning feeling less than ecstatic.  Like a bolt of lightning, it came to me how everything is changing so fast in my life.  Like in a brief period of time, things change, people come and go. And I can’t help it. I was prepared to sulk for the day if not for two words– Let Go.                                                                                                                          
 

The adage "Let live and Let Go" holds its meaning for ages. It is specifically meaningful for those who like me, find themselves caught in recent successions of raging drama (like on TV). Well, guess this is how it goes. Most of those we get in touch with in our lives, the job, the people we love/d, we are just lucky and blessed to let God rent them to us. Some are allowed to stay longer than expected while others just dissipate with no warning. 

I told myself, everything is rent.  You can’t hold people down, stay where you are not welcome, or keep beating yourself up for that lost love/job/ or poor decision. Moving forward starts with letting go.
Sometimes,you Have to fall from the mountain to realize what you are climbing for obstacles were Putting our way to see If what we want is really worth fighting for. "from every wound there is a scar and  every scar tells a story, a story that says I "survived!"

And so my morning went less brighter than what I hoped it can be. But I think I am enlightened. To those who have been a part of my life, thank you. I hope the rent, though it cannot last, was worth it.

Someday: A Song From The Past

I heard a familiar song last night. This song was my "National Anthem of Healing" or should I say "My moving on song" 4 years ago. Here it goes:

Someday, you'll gonna realize

One day, you'll see this through my eyes

But then I won't even be there

I'll be happy somewhere

Even if I can't

I know you don't really see my worth

You think you're the last guy on earth

Well, I've got news for you

I know I'm not that strong

But it won't take long, won't take long

CHORUS

'Cause someday, someone's gonna love me

The way I wanted you to need me

Someday, someone's gonna take your place

One day, I'll forget about you

You'll see, I won't even miss you

Someday, someday

But now, I know you can tell

I'm down and I'm not doin' well

But one day, these tears

They will all run dry

I won't have to cry sweet goodbye

Sometime in our lives we all meet a person, or read a book, see a movie or listen to a song that make deep impressions in our hearts and change our lives. Sometimes, we meet someone that we thought will stay but one day we will wake up, that person is gone. When I started listening to "Someday"  four years ago, I've noticed that my healing accelerated, my intuition deepened. I gained more clarity and peace in my life, and also the emotional release had occurred that helped me to break through some of the barriers in my life. It helps me releases the obstacles, beliefs and troubles that are preventing me to achieve success, happiness and optimal health in life.  It helps me realize that life must go on. One day that person will realized what he has done. Everything takes time; we should not force ourselves to wake up the next day to be fully recovered. Everything is a step-by-step process. This song also helps me realize that it's not the end because one way or another, someone will love me and be there for me. Every end comes a new beginning

On Father's Day

Being a mother is a tough job, but being a mom and a dad is tougher. I want to take a moment today and say Happy Father’s Day to all the Mothers out there who are Fathers too. You deserve the extra recognition of filling in for two salaries, two parents, and still staying sane (mostly).

This is our 3rd Father’s day of Addy and I am extremely blessed and honored to see my son loved by everyone. The never ending he-is-so-adorable compliments from other people are overwhelming.

Addy, You are the joy of my life. Sometimes I get so very busy that I forget to tell you that. Being a single Mom has its benefits: I get you all to myself. But it also has its down side: I have to work an awful lot of hours to bring home enough money for the two of us to live. Thank you for being patient with me and for understanding.  I thank you for helping shape who I am today. Thank you for teaching me lessons most people do not have to learn in life. Thank you for forcing me to rebuild myself. All of those things are important, great and wonderful, but mostly thank you for being the greatest gift in the entire world. Without you, I will be lost. You are the gift that smiles at me and hugs me every day, the gift that acts crazy and goofy and sings songs at the top of your lungs because you can. I thank you for being my son. I will enjoy watching you become the person I know you can be, and while there will be times it is hard to do it alone, the payoff in the end is worth it, the unfailing love between you and me; a mother and a son.

I want to say a very Happy Father’s Day to all the ‘daddies’ out there. I’m not talking to biological fathers, though some of them are daddies. I’m talking about every man who has held the hand of a child while a needle was getting shoved in their vein at the hospital, or every man who doctored a scraped knee and kissed away tears. I’m talking to every man who has ever read a child a bedtime story and tucked them in at night with a kiss on the forehead and a, “See you in the morning, buddy.”

For me, It doesn’t matter if the child was born of your blood as long as the child resides in your heart– that makes you a daddy.

So if you are a man and if you have children, don’t JUST be a father. Be a daddy. Be a man. A Real Man.


Little girls need someone who will kiss them goodnight.  Little boys need the example of a good man to grow up to be like and admire, someone they can hope to become, live up to.

The world needs fathers for one reason only — to procreate. The world needs daddies though, to make this world a better place, to bring our next generation up differently and better than the one before it, to constantly improve and excel.

But for today, tomorrow and the next after,  I will be stronger.  I will be braver. I will be wiser and tougher. I will be a mom, but most importantly, a dad.

Seven Dreams, Nine Months

When I was young and immature, I would pray to God for something and I’d ask for signs to know what His answer would be. I prayed to the Lord to reveal to me the right person He set apart for me. I had been through a few failed relationships where my friends had tried to give me several hints that I didn’t seem to get. I prayed silently, absorbed the shock and responded by saying that God’s message was for me to forgive those “heart-breakers”!

When I was in college; older and still immature, when I’d pray for something that I really desire, I’d make a sacrifice in the hope that God would answer my desperate cries. But I am realizing that I tend to listen to myself more, than to God. I am scared to decide and act even if God has given me His assurance. Even after much prayer, proper discernment and clear-headed thinking, I get scared to proceed on a decision.

That’s the way I feel with God. There are times when I feel I just don’t get it.

But when I joined the Feast, we were taught how to pray and dream. We were taught to write down our dreams in our little booklet called, Novena to God’s Love. Seven dreams to be exact. We pray for these dreams everyday. For me, this Novena to God’s love is also God’s promised. We were asked to make our dreams MAGIC dreams. (Measurable, Ambitious, Godly, Imaginative, Complete).

It doesn’t stop in praying for our dreams to happen. We also need to do something everyday to make them come true. We need to believe in ourselves. Yes, I believe that cliché. Call it spirituality, hope, confidence: The ability of people to achieve anything they put their minds to is very real and very powerful. I am a dreamer. I have this habit of using my imagination. It works for me as a writer. It works for me in pursuing my goals. WE have to learn how to dream big. These dreams should fuel our daily lives.

After attending the feast for nine months, I am very blessed and grateful to share that my first set of seven dreams are already granted. I am now in my second Novena to God’s love. Another set of seven dreams to be prayed for, another chance to be a dreamer and a believer.  Another set of God’s promised. This time, I will dream bigger.

One of my realizations in this chapter of my life is how the Lord has been so faithful, even if I was not. Many times, I lost heart when things didn’t go as planned. I lost sight of what God can do and focused more on what I could control. I am learning to ask the Lord for things both big and small. God is patient with us when we make fools of ourselves.  He works with us in the midst of our messy lives.

Indeed, God can not lie. Yes, he fulfilled his promise to me that in His own time, He will give the BEST that I deserve. All I need is to trust him, to surrender all my heart’s desire to him, to remain faithful to him just like how he remained faithful in fulfilling his promises.

While waiting for these new set of dreams to come into reality. I will remain faithful to Him. I pray that the Lord will allow me to do something where I can give my all, something that will unify my passions, and something that will bring out all the possibilities in my life, something that will make me live out His plan for my life. I know I will win. I know God will fulfill his promise again. It might not be immediate. It may take years the second time around. But ultimately, God will not lie. He will give to me when I am ready to accept it. God always wins, and so will I. As I desire for things that can make God smile, I pray for my heart’s desire, and I believe God has heard it. His answer is on the way.

 I can hear God whispering, “You’ll get it... All of it... One day, In my own time.”

My Fairytale

No one can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. - Marian Robinson

Being a single mom, I cannot help to think where is my happily ever after? The fairy tales I read as a little girl told me we all have a happily ever after. So where's mine?

I wrote down in my previous blog, Prince Turned Into A Frog, how my fairytale was something extraordinary. It's not the usual, And they lived happily ever after. Don't get me wrong. I actually enjoy being a single mom. It is not an easy task, but I am proud of what I do. I am contended. I am happy being single. Certainly, I am extremely grateful for my son. Having him in my life fills my heart with light and love. But at times especially when Addy asks, "where's daddy?" (although he's asking for my dad and not his real one) I begin to feel robbed of the false fairy tale of getting a complete normal family.

I know the time will come that I will be required to answer that question. So where is my happy ending? My happily ever after? How will I explain in to Addy in a way that he will not feel less of a person because his dad is nowhere to be found?

A happily ever after does not require finding a true love and growing old together although it would be nice. Maybe a happily ever after only requires you to love yourself. For me an absolute happy ending is seeing my son grow into a happy, successful young man whose success is defined by him not our society. Disregard the notion that society would have us believe that happily ever after requires you to be married to your soul mate, grow old together, and live happily ever after. Some are lucky to achieve this. Many of these people likely have their own challenges with health, finances, or a death of a loved one. We never know. Just because we have not and may never find our true partner does not mean we are robbed of own happily ever after. 

Addy will learn there isn't a Santa Claus soon enough. Just as he'll come to realize that the gifts that were hidden and the treats that were secretly tucked beneath our tree did not actually come form a wise old man in whiskers, he will learn that mom and dad aren't perfect. Yes, Mom has made mistakes just as dad has. We're equally to blame in the failed relationship. But hopefully, Addy will know how much we both love him and want him to be happy. His dad may not be around but that doesn't mean he is less of a person because he is surrounded with a family who loves him the most. And most of all, he'll come to see that he has a family that will work together to hold his head above water when he's in a little too deep. He doesn't have to worry which parent will help him this time. He knows everyone in the family will.

A happily ever after only requires you to live successfully as you define success and ultimately for you to love yourself. So, be open to the universe. Be open to receiving the love the universe has to offer. And be open to loving and trusting yourself again, In that opening, you will find your happily ever after...... 

And, surprisingly, before I end this journal, I already know where my happily ever after is.....

ADDY is my happily ever after. He is my happy ending. Even though mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. Something good came out. There is still a happy ending in that fairytale and that is him. I am hoping that one day, Addy will see a family who will do what they can to help him succeed. Addy's family "IS" living happily ever after. We just live in different houses.

Mother's Day: Seasons Of Love

I know that it's easy to hope for touching gifts and thoughtful deeds since it's mother's day. It's easy to expect that after three years of being a mom and a dad for you that I must deserve just one day where my needs come first. But the reality is that becoming a mommy means things are a little bit different and more complicated than that. It's not that my needs aren't important, it's just that in a contest between what I want and what you need, you will always come first in my book, always. I know that one day, when you're older you might want to buy me something small, or make me breakfast, or pick some flowers from our garden for me. But whether you do those things on Mothers Day or on any other random day doesn't matter to me. Frankly, whether you do those things at all is neither here nor there because what I want is for you to love and respect the people in your life, and to show them the true meaning of love; show them whenever the urge takes you, not when a date on a calendar tells you to. 

If I pass any wisdom to you, I want it to be love. I love you greatly and pray, that in being loved immeasurably, you will love greatly too. Love will help you endure all kinds of loss. But know the spirit can never be lost. Faith in this hope will never betray you. Speaking out for and doing what is right on this earth is never easy, and oftentimes, not popular. Pursue your passion with integrity, and remember no success can compensate for failure in the home. Treat all God’s creatures, friend and foe, as fragile and delicate, because that is what we are. Physically, take care of body, mind, and spirit. Their strength is intertwined. Emotionally, cast aside the folly of peer pressure. You are one of the most genuine, kind people I know - and I don't want that turned into a fake, forced showing of affection by the commercial world. Just be you. Show your love in a way that's you. If you grow up to really love those days and feel that helps you express your affection, then do it - but do it for your own reasons.

Becoming a mom taught me so many life lessons. When I was little, I know the secrets to true joy, but as I grow older, I start to forget. I start to think more and worry more and I rarely feel true joy. Rarely, that is, unless or until I am blessed with beautiful boy. When I had you, I suddenly remember what true joy feels like and I experience it again through you. Being a mom means I get a daily reminder of what's important and what matters. Seeing the world through your eyes makes it look brighter and more beautiful to me than ever before. I love how the simplest objects are magically transformed into something wonderful by the fairy dust of your imagination. I love the way I can almost see the wheels turning in your brain as you learn something new, which seems to happen every day. Sometimes being a parent is hard. But, I try my best to be a good parent you. I know there are times when I fall far short of perfect, but I try my best to be the best parent that I can be. I know that someday I will miss the little things that you do that I struggle with right now. So, I promise to enjoy those moments a little more now, while I still can. I know these days are long, but I also know that the years are short and time flies so fast.

So this Mother's day, I just want to thank you Addy because every day you give me the best gift of all: the gift of being a mom, of being your mom, and I am so grateful. My love for you knows no bound.  I saw you progress through the years, from a happy baby to an inquisitive boy. So, if one day, you decide to be extra sweet, and fix me breakfast in bed, and that breakfast turns out to be wilted lettuce and ketchup sandwiches, I will smile, and I will eat that sandwich, and I will treasure that memory, just like my mom did for me. Because it isn't the gifts that matter, it's you.

In many ways, you have been blessed with brains and pleasant and wholesome personality. I am grateful.  As you always hear me say, being your mother has been one of life’s great blessings. It is a rare and precious privilege to see you grow from that little angel of innocence in my arms to a wise and kind man who uses his talents and abilities to make a difference in this world.  I am proud to be your mother.  I love you my babylove and just like how I said, No matter what season it is, may it be winter, spring, summer or fall, I will always be here for you. I will be forever your mom and your friend.

On being Grateful

As they say that no one is perfect, life is also messy. Everyone knows that I am a single mom. Some may see it as something negative, others may just be casual about it. I've learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life goes on and it will be better if not tomorrow, the day after. Despite of my current disposition in life, I am still thankful for so many things.


So what are the things that I appreciate about my single mommyhood? 


1. Addy
Of course, I am very thankful to have my wonderful son. He is my strength and happiness. He completes me. He is the very reason why I want to wake up each morning. He may test my patience most of the time, but his sweet gestures never fails to melt my heart.


2. My Parents
They are my co-parents in raising Addy. I can never thank my parents for helping me deal with Addy. Their unconditional love for me and Addy is something that I can only repay by unconditional love, respect and care. 


3. My Grandparents
I love my Grandparents! I am very thankful that they were able to see and spend time with Addy. I appreciate all the life lessons that they are teaching me and my son. 


4. Family
I will always be grateful for my biggest support group; my extended family. They are also my co-parents to Addy. They are the one who uplifts my spirit when I am down. 


5. Cousins
Since I am an only child, I treat my cousins as my own siblings. Age doesn't matter to us. I also ask advice from my younger cousins and vice versa. I am thankful for having siblings by heart :)


6. Work
Being a single mom is pretty expensive because I am the only one working to give Addy whatever he needs. I am thankful to have a wonderful career at the moment. I am thankful also because my colleagues are very nice. Also, I have a wonderful boss who understands my situation. I am in a family-oriented company who gives importance to child's welfare.


7. Community
I will always be grateful for being part of a community called Light Of Jesus. They are my second family. This is where I feed my soul with sumptuous words of God. This is where I also draw strength. This is another place where I can be the vulnerable me. This is where I found myself again, love myself again. This is also where I learned to forgive, not just those who have done me wrong, but most importantly, Myself.


8. Friends
True friends are hard to find. I may have a few friends, but I know, I have the real ones. 
I don't need to pretend someone that I am not. They tell me when I am wrong, but they also just listen when I don't want to speak. They respect my privacy. They also respect and understand at times when I need space. 
  

Life is about second chances. May it be in life in general, friends, love or career. 
I've learned that making a living is different from making a life.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be the one. 
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, people will forget what material things you gave, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

We have the natural tendency to unconsciously take things and even people for granted. We wait for wake-up calls in our lives to occur before we realize how blessed we are. Practicing daily gratitude keeps us on the path of being present, helps us acknowledge the gifts we have already been blessed with, and cultivates positive thinking. Don’t wait until it’s too late. We must always remember that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.

Open your heart, find different ways to show gratitude and take this opportunity to incorporate the practice of daily gratitude!

Day 6: Song That Makes You Cry (PART 2)

For all the times I felt cheated, I complained
You know how I love to complain
For all the wrongs I repeated, though I was to blame
I still cursed that rain
I didn't have a prayer, didn't have a clue
Then out of the blue

God gave me you to show me what's real
There's more to life than just how I feel
And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn't know why
Now I do, 'cause God gave me you

For all the times I wore my self pity like a favorite shirt
All wrapped up in that hurt
For every glass I saw, I saw half empty
Now it overflows like a river through my soul
From every doubt I had, I'm finally free
I truly believe

God gave me you to show me what's real
There's more to life than just how I feel
And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn't know why
Now I do, 'cause God gave me you

In your arms I'm someone new
With ever tender kiss from you
Oh must confess
I've been blessed

God gave me you to show me what's real
There's more to life than just how I feel
And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn't know why (didn't know why)
Now I do (I finally do), 'cause God gave me you (God gave me You)

God gave me you

Addy's Third Birthday Letter

I have tried writing your birthday post several dozen times today, but I just can’t find adequate words. You are just too much to contain in a single blog post. Too much personality. Too much charm. Too much mischief. Too much everything. But, just right. There hasn't been a single day in the last three years that you haven’t brought joy, laughter and so much love.

Oh how much you've grown! I cannot get my head around the fact that it’s been three years since you came into my life. It seems like yesterday you were toddling around, muttering words and sounds.  Now you are a boy who runs, jumps, sings, speaks in full sentences, asks questions and is constantly absorbing the world around you. You spread such joy to those who know you. You laugh contagiously.  You are starting to tell “funny jokes.” Every day is a new adventure. I keep on falling in love with you Addy every single day.

I can’t believe how much you've grown this past year. At the start of 2 years old you were still doing what I call “dolphin speak”. It basically consisted of a bunch of “eh eh eh eh eh’s, some “eh??”  and a whole lot of pointing. Sounding just like a dolphin would if they tried to speak English.  The doctor assured me that your speech would pick up near the summer but you know me, I was worried as always. Thankfully I was wrong and by the time summer rolled around you had mastered spoken word! and boy did you let me know it. I haven’t heard any silence yet. Sometimes you even talk in your sleep. 

Do you know you potty trained yourself? Oh yes, you did. You've always been so independent it’s almost unbelievable at times. You were rolling over at 2 weeks, pulling yourself up at 6 months, eating by yourself at 1.6 years and by 2.3 years you were done with diaper! You even help mommy wash dishes and do the laundry. You're also in charge of setting the dining table. Yes babylove, I am proud to say that you're domesticated honey. 

I celebrate your presence every day, but today mark the 3rd year since your birth. it's been an amazing journey.  In my wildest imagination I could have never thought things would be the way they are now.  Life has thrown a few curves at me  but I always do my best to be the mother that you deserve. Being a mom to a lovable child like you has been the most blissful and heavenly experience. Thank you for giving me happy times and unforgettable memories that I will cherish for a lifetime. I hope you are always as sweet and loving and funny and unique and confident and magnetic as you are today. I know that you will be. I feel blessed to live my life with you and I love you with all of my heart.

My job as a mom is hard but when I think of the value of what I've gained and what I hope YOU'VE gained from my time with you these past three years, there is no price you can put on that.  I'm not from royalty but I feel as if I have lived the life of a thousand kings.

So many things have happened over the past 3 years, just this past year alone. But you have shown a level of resilience, and determination  that is remarkable.  It has been from you that I've drawn my strength, courage, and  determination. It's not that I haven't wanted to give up at times. It's just that I couldn't give up. I could never give up on you, because you haven't given up on me. I will always be grateful for your patience, gratitude, and humbleness through what at times has been challenging, difficult, and at times painful.  Someday when you are able to comprehend and wonder how WE made it through, know that I didn't do it alone , but only with the grace of God.  

Thank you for the wonderful gift you've given me: The gift of motherhood.  Judging by your first 3 years, you're destined for greatness.  I have no doubt.  I don't just expect, but will require great things from you. Not because I think you're capable, but I KNOW you are.  I love you.... love you more than you will ever know. You changed my life so much that I can barely remember my old self. You gave me strength to be a better person for you. I only hope that when you’re old enough to read this letter that you’ll still be telling me every day “I love you mommy whole bunch” because I love you dear boy, with all my heart!

Addy, if you are reading this years from now, I want you to know that at age 3, you are so much in love with me. Just like any other young children, you adored your mother and like any other mothers in this world, I could have felt no greater love than knowing that you need me as much as I need you. I will forever be grateful and proud of you. I will always be thankful to have you.

Yes, indeed I am cherishing every minute that I spend with you and every moment is a blessing worth more than diamonds and pearls. I love you to bits my little baby.. happy Third Birthday Addy!

Day 6: Songs That Makes You Cry

Samson by Regina Spektor


The whole song is a Biblical allusion to Samson and Delilah. I don't really want to explain it right now, but by"sweetest downfall" it kind of means that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, that kind of thing. 


Because Samson's hair is cut by her, he is vulnerable and led to his death (his hair was the source of his power) but he knew this, almost as if he asked her to cut it, because he loved her and she loved him.


I considered Addy as my sweetest downfall. For me, I'd rather have him alone than not having him at all. Now, I can't imagine how my life would be without Addy. He is my purpose in life 




She Reminds Us By Mike Greca
A touching song how a single mom wants to raise her kid well.


here is the video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Uy1qtdmndUI






Miracle by Celine Dion
This song reminds me that miracles do happen. Yes, it happens. In God's own time, It will happen






....to be continued.....

Prince Turned Into A Frog

Fairy tales usually starts with, once upon a time and ends with, and they lived happily ever after. My fairytale was extraordinary. It started with, "once upon a time" and ended with, "they lived happily ever after" yes, the man I thought my prince turned into a frog. He is not the one whom I dreamed of since I was three.

After my happily ever after, In a far away land of Canada, I gave birth to a handsome little boy named Addy. After almost 4 years, here I am, still waiting for my prince.

The thing is, for almost four years, I haven't dated anyone since the last frog. Don't get me wrong, I do have the happily ever after with my Addy. But I also want to be honest about myself. Sometimes, I thought of having a family of three. To have someone to talk with late at night, someone to laugh with, to cry with. To have someone that cared for me and Addy. Every time I will try to go on a date, I will always ask myself, " Was that type of companionship worth taking the chance? am I ready now? Am I  ready to take that chance again?"

I considered priorities in life, current disposition and of course, personal issues. Most of the time, my answer is NO. So funny how I was waiting but I actually don't do anything about it as well. As they say, action speaks louder than words. 

Last quarter of last year, I was already preparing myself for a new journey. Carefully putting myself back together like a puzzle. Reviewing the experiences that I gained from JE,Love life, KCON, Thursdates, Sundates and of course my CG's. I know that no matter how many self help books I read, No matter how many talks I listened to, problems will come my way. No life is perfect. But what's good about it is, how do I deal with the problems that will come? How do I apply all the experiences and learning that I gained. Most of all, How do I prevent myself from getting lost and blind again.

And yes, we do live in a cruel world but I see cruelty as something positive because with all those setbacks, I am reminded to be humble. I always find enough reason to be thankful for despite the setbacks, trials and ordeals that happened to me. I know that to have a positive outlook is very difficulty especially when reality hit you hard but I always remind myself that being positive is borne out of strong faith that God will do good works for those who love him. As I always say, God allowed those hardships to come our way because he knows that we can draw out the good in every hardship and pain that comes in our life.

Finally, I found myself again. I regained my self worth and self respect. So here I am, doing my best to find my prince. I know, to find my prince I might have to kiss a lot of frogs. 

( Although, I hope not super many hahaha) 

Join me in this journey :)

I Love The Feast: A Pure Heart

I Love The Feast: A Pure Heart: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God,” is without a doubt the most comprehensive of all theblessings, just as being pure in heart is the mostcomprehensive requirement of a believer’s life. Nothing but the sight of God will satisfy the longings of the disciple’s heart.

So how do we know if we have a pure heart? It is by doing of God's will wholly, completely, and without reserve. To have a pure heart is to see God.

Sis. Mara shared this is done when we:

• Pray every moment

• Submit in every area

• Love in every act

Praying without ceasing means that we are aware of God’s presence wherever we are. The pure of heart are those that, instead of trying to be noticed, go into their room or a quiet, private place and pour out their hearts to God. Even if we don’t know how to pray or how to put our hearts fears and desires into words, God meets us in our most honest moments.

Submit in every area. Like Zacchaeus, the tax collector, who submitted his 100% to God. He gave everything because he acknowledged that God knows what is best for him. In our life, there might be some areas that we need to submit and lift up to him. Remember, God knows what is best for us.

Love in every act. Let all that you do be done with love. It may come as a surprise, but God is more concerned with what’s inside rather than what’s outside. God does not look at the external packaging, but the internal workings and judges by the heart.

The “Pure in heart” are the ones who see God in other people, in places – in everything. They live on the positive side of life and choose to see the best in everyone and everything they see.

written by Ley Reinares
source Makati Feast bulletin

Gift Of Eyesight

I started wearing eye glasses when I was on 4th grade. Well, I'm not a geeky student but I admit, I am a bookworm. My grandfather has a "mini library" full of wonderful books from novels to fiction, from history to geography, name it, he got it. I always hide from everyone just to read my precious novels. I hide under the table or even under the blanket, holding my book and a pen light. To give you a little background, I experienced the 24/7 brownout during the time of Pres. Cory Aquino. Brownout all day/everyday (can you just imagine?) Don't get me wrong, I don't blame her, but as others will tell me, reading in the dark causes poor eyesight. (Thanks Auntie Pet)


Since then, I have my best friend. My eye glasses. I only remove them whenever children's choir will perform. I had a lot of eye glasses from all shapes and sizes since I will always break them, lose them, or my prescription needs to be changed. I hate going to the ophthalmologist to have my eyes checked for a few reasons. First, Long line. Second, doctor is always late that makes the waiting time longer. Third, It is very overwhelming to choose what frame I like. Fourth, Most of all, I already memorized the snellen chart. Imagine, I had to read them every other 3 or 6months. So what I do, I will tell the doctor right away, "don't you have anything else for me to read? I already memorized the chart." My eyes were that bad. I am blind without my eye glasses.


Over the years, thanks to technologies, my best friends grew in numbers and kinds. I now have pair of contact lenses and pair of eye glasses. Sadly, I often use my pair of contact lenses. I feel more comfortable in them rather than wearing my pair of eye glasses. Add the thought of, I've been wearing my eye glasses almost half of my life and will wear them on the latter part of my life. (Unless I'll wear contact lenses til I'm 95 yrs old, haha!). At times, I felt guilty for my pair of eye glasses since I only wear them when I have no choice, when I don't have extra lenses, or when I don't have enough supply of solution to disinfect my lenses. I keep them for emergency purposes only, but most of the time, they are just there, sitting and waiting to be used.


Last week, something happened. I woke up and my eyes hurt so bad that I can't even open them. I went to look at the mirror. There I saw blood shot red eyes and found my pair of contact lenses all dried up. I panicked and grabbed my contact lenses solution right away. Drop solution simultaneously until I can feel that my contacts are soft enough for me to remove. After 15mins, I still can't remove it. I continue  dropping solution as I pray. After 30 mins, I was able to take it out. Unfortunately, my contacts for my right eye is already ripped off. A small piece was left in my eye. I had a hard time taking it out because it is too small. After a while, I was able to get it. THANK GOD! 


I panicked and told a few friends about it. I asked for prayers. I even sent them a picture (but I am not posting it here hahaha)


Since I am skeptical in going to the doctor, I waited for day 2 to have my eyes checked. ( I know, and I promise not to do it again) I was worried because it seems that I have a blood cloth on my eye and it becomes bigger as day goes by. I went to the doctor and there, viola! I have Subconjuctival hemorrhage. Some of my eye blood vessels broke already resulting for a blood cloth. It shouldn't be painful but since I slept with my lenses on, My eyes need to rest and breath.


For the whole day, I can't keep my right eye open. I felt like a vampire, every time a sunlight or any light for that matter reaches my right eye, it closes automatically and it hurts to the nth power. For the entire day, my original best friend never left me. My handy dandy pair of eye glasses were there for me in times of my darkness. THANK GOD AGAIN! 


P.S. The doctor said that if I woke up a little bit late, I might be blind by now. Thank you Lord for waking me up just in time. Thank you for giving me another chance to see the beauty of life, the blue skies, the colorful rainbow and the romantic sunset. Thank you for not allowing me to be blind.


P.P.S Thank you for my wonderful supportive friends, I know, I know, I will not sleep with my contacts on again.

Bad Boy Complex

Some people doesn't get it why I always fall for the bad guy. Okay, let me rephrase that. I "used" to fall for the bad guy. Well, I used to have this bad boy complex. It is even if I  know that they are bad, I still fall for them. Well, each woman has their own reasons. It may be the popularity or the trend but for me it's different. 


I always have this belief that all human being commit mistakes and everyone has the capability to change for the better. Some people might disagree with me, (at times even my family and friends) but I always tell them that. Give them a benefit of a doubt and a chance to change. Sometimes, I tell them that this person just need someone to understand him.


Classic examples, wouldn't you fall for someone who's known as the bad boy from the block but would everyday write letters and compose songs for you?


(I often say, for him to do that, he has a good heart)


Wouldn't you fall for someone who will wait for you 8hours in the rain just to say he's likes you?


It is my optimism that really makes me fall for them. Unfortunately, my beliefs are also the one who led me to a broken heart. I don't regret anything. These heartaches made me stronger and wiser. I want to believe that I graduated with that phase. I rehabilitated myself from my optimistic addiction and try to think carefully not for others first, but for myself.


Moving forward.... No more bad boys for me 

Home Of Abandoned Angels

Angels are also known as "messengers". They can be a messenger of hope, love, peace or prosperity. My favorite angel is my son. He constantly reminds me the value of love and happiness. He never fails to send me the message of hope and peace. This year I am immensely blessed with so many good gifts, from new friends to new experiences. From new trials to new dreams. I wanted to start the year right by celebrating my 28th bday and 4th month in LOJ. I decided to visit a home full of beautiful angels, the Mother and child home of Virlanie.

With my wonderful friends' help. We were able to share some wonderful gifts for our little angels. From clothes to toys, books to toiletries and other necessities.

We met few mothers who just gave birth, some are still on their way. But what captured my heart is a room full of infants.

As I open the door, I found this charming little girl smiling at us. Strapped in her bouncer, she keeps on wiggling her feet.

Beside her is a 2 months ala Coco Martin look alike baby who is sleeping so soundly. I fell in love with him right way. I want to snatched him out of his bouncer and take him home.

Of course, there's more..

There's the twin brothers who were born prematurely. They were so cute with their little nose and ears. Of course, I remember my little nephew Gabriel.

There's also this adorable little girl whom I also fell in love with. Took a couple of pictures with her. She can be addy's little sister.

And who will forget about the bibo girl who welcomed us with her wittiness. She was holding her comfort bib the whole time.


We shared a simple lunch. I was so happy to see that the kids love their new experience with us. It was a simple and yet very intimate affair. I am grateful to have my friends with me that day. Of course, I am also thankful to my friends who share some of their blessings in their own ways. I know God will return all these things to you a thousand folds.

I left that home with a heavy heart because if I can only bring all of them home with me, I would. I just thought, how can they do that. I can't abandoned addy. Not even a thought of it.

Those little angels that I met are trying to send us the message of love and life, of sharing and giving, of contentment, appreciation and gratefulness.

We should always be grateful for what we have and appreciate what we have.
We should appreciate all things that we have, it may be big or small. Count our blessings and not our trials.
Let us continue to be Jesus to someone. Our little efforts will surely brighten up someone else's face. You may be surprise how it feels good.

I will surely visit this loving home sometime soon. 

God bless Angels!