I Love The Feast: “A Dose of Love, A Share of Life”

I Love The Feast: “A Dose of Love, A Share of Life”: What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the onlything that there’s just too little of. What the world needs now is love, sweet love. No, not just for some, but foreveryone.

Those lines kept playing in my head as we drove home from the Love Life retreat where God finally answered some of my questions. I never expected to be moved this much by the retreat. But even after a few days, I am still euphoric.

I realized a lot of things in my Love Life journey. I was reminded that life is short so we should make the most out of it. Let us always remind our loved ones how dear they are to us, how much they matter, and how thankful we are for them.

We cannot give what we don’t have. We need to love ourselves before we can love others. If we practiced the saying,” an eye for an eye” the whole world would go blind. Jesus asks us to put love into life, to pay it forward, and to break the spiral of violence, hatred, and negativity. Love is the only means to achieve anything.

I realize that there is absolutely nothing random about God. He's in control. Everything happens because He allows it, and He has good reasons although we may not understand them most of the time. When we experience hurt, our memories are painful as well. The first step to healing is forgiveness. As you remember the painful event, imagine Jesus comforting you. Do that for as long or as often as you need. When memories are healed we can forgive and, from there, everything follows. By learning to love ourselves, and then loving others, we become better. We become more of who we were meant to become.

Change is the only constant thing in this world. But only love changes it in a positive way.

written by Ley Reinares
Makati Feaster

amour vous-même

amour vous-même, Yes, it means love yourself.

Every day is so wonderful

 And suddenly it's hard to breathe

Now and then I get insecure

From all the pain, feel so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say

Words can't bring me down

I am beautiful in every single way

Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no

So don't you bring me down today

These are the words that came into my mind right after BJ asked “What can you see when you look at the mirror?” I don’t find myself ugly though I don’t find myself as someone who has lustrous looks like a model. But I know I am beautiful within because of the decisions I made despite my bad and heartbreaking experiences in life especially in terms of love, or I just thought so….

Do I really acknowledge myself as somebody?

 To love yourself is to acknowledge your worth. We often asked ourselves “What’s wrong with me?” well in fact, we should be asking the questions, “What’s right about me that God entrusted me this issue, problem or dilemma?” For three years, I don’t know the answer to this question.

“You can only have happy relationships if you have a happy self love”, BJ is right, until I love myself; I will not be able to love anyone else. I can only love another to the degree that I can do myself. Now, I know I am the reason why I am afraid to open my heart. I don’t have anything to give. My love tank is almost empty. The remaining love in my tank is solely for Addy only.

As BJ shares about self forgiveness, I felt so different. I am teary eyed at first, until my seatmate hand me a hanky. I am crying already. I know at that very moment, God is giving me the answer to some of my unanswered questions for 3 years. The answers are already in front of me; self forgiveness and love yourself. It feels like I am in May 2008 again as the first session continues. The pain felt so fresh that I can feel it while I listen to BJ. I can’t help but to burst out. I know already what’s going on. I am my worst enemy. I thought I moved on already. Yes, I forgave him already even if he did not ask for any forgiveness. I never hated nor despise him.  I hate myself. 

I already asked for God’s forgiveness. I am not aware that I have never forgiven myself yet. I was in denial for three years that I am okay. I carried the burden alone. I blame myself for being a single mom. I am hold responsible for Addy’s unsecure future. I fear that my son will despise me for not giving him a complete family. I am afraid. At that moment, I felt so insecure, I felt so ugly, I felt so worthless.  I felt all the things that I should have felt back May 2008. It feels like I am having my post partum depression again. I had to fight for this feeling. I listened to every word that BJ is saying because I know deep in my heart God is using him as a tool to lead me somewhere superior.

 Improve yourself

 I realized that I need to learn how to forgive myself to move forward. I need to stop blaming and hating myself just because I thought I ruined my son's life, his future. I reminded myself that no one is perfect. We all have strengths and weaknesses. I certainly possess the resources to work on improving myself. Each of us is unique and has specific talents and abilities to offer. In order to appreciate myself it is up to me to discover what makes me unique, beautiful and to further develop those talents. I have a responsibility to myself to do so. I cannot sit around and wait for approval from others. I have to work on accepting myself. I am the only "me" that I have. It is in my best interests to be the best me that I can be. I have to do this not just for me, but for my Addy.

I know with my family and friends around me, my love tank will never be empty again. God has given me another family who heartwarmingly welcomed me, who never judge me because of my past thus, accepted and loved me for what I have become because of my past. I am very happy to be in Makati feast. I found another family there. May we continue to fill each other’s love tank.

From the spiritual perspective, it is by turning your attention inward to yourself that you are able to experience your connection with Life, with God, with All That Is. I know that God will always be there for me. I know that he will lead me to where he wanted me to be. I know he just wants me to wait.

From the human perspective, every relationship you ever have with someone else exactly mirrors one or more aspects of the relationship you have with yourself.

All these years I am beating up and blaming myself for the things that were beyond my control, when what I really need is to be gentle with myself and love myself just the way I am. To love yourself means to accept yourself as you are and to come to terms with those aspects of yourself that you cannot change. It means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance. Needless to say, it does not mean being arrogant, conceited or thinking that you are better than anyone else. It means having a healthy regard for yourself knowing that you are a worthy human being.

Loving yourself is mainly having self-respect which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life to share with others. When you expect love from an external source, and someone or something does not fulfill your void and fantasies, then you will feel worse than before. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself as much as you do others. In a world where people strive for perfection it's easy to forget to do this and lose ourselves. We try to fit in and we forget that we are all different, with our little quirks and flaws that make us unique and stand out. Quirks we should embrace as they make us beautiful in the process.

Knowing how to love your self is extremely important. Self love is at the very core of wellbeing, joy, self-empowerment, and your ability to create and enjoy the kind of life you want. You cannot enjoy happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have.

I may not be the smartest or the prettiest person but I am ME and this is the reason I love myself.  So if there's one relationship worth investing in, let it the one with yourself first.

I Love The Feast: Left or Right? My will or His?

I Love The Feast: Left or Right? My will or His?: Last Sunday's special talk was about God’s will.  We all struggle with questions about our future. Questions like: How can I know God's plan for my life? Is this the right job for me? Is this the person God wants me to marry? There are others as well. 

Bro. Randy cited 4 types of people: the Fatalistic who relies on fate alone and exerts no effort; the Frantic who lacks trust; the Frustrated who is never contented; and the Fearful who is afraid that God will answer his prayer. Some people are reluctant to trust God completely with their lives. Sometimes, God is already providing them the clear signs but they still ask for more because they are afraid that God will change their plans. We should remember that God knows what’s best for us. But since he gave us free will, we can decide if we will follow Him, or follow our own decisions. In the end, when we use our free will and things turn out differently, we come to God and blame Him for our misery, not remembering He showed us signs. Does this mean that we mess up our lives because we miss God’s signs? No, because we can be sure that we can have second chances. 

There are 3 parts in God’s will: His Providential (Or Sovereign) Will that is symbolized by guardrails; His Moral Will where we live out His commandment; and His Personal Will which are like the road signs around us. The more signs, the easier it is to get where you want to be. God's will is a relationship. 

The secret in discovering God’s will for our lives is getting to know God. Listen and trust the one who knows the way. Receive God’s grace. 

Many try so hard to discover the will of God that they lose the joy of knowing the Lord. Stand for Him, know and do what is in God’s heart, and walk with the Holy Spirit. He will guide us in making most important decisions in life. 

Life Changing

In a world filled with changes each and everyday, 

I feel like I'm judged for what I do or say.

I remember back to Barbies and play days in the park

When I didn't worry about other people's remarks.

But looking in the mirror I see to my surprise,

a completely different person standing deep into my eyes.

The carefree little child I saw at four or five

is now a MOM learning to survive....

Finally, I am home

My life ambled all over the place. Meandered might be a better expression. My immaturity moved me in so many directions, some very good, and some not so. I would like to say I was searching, but that would imply purposeful pursuit. It was more like a reed shaken by the wind. However, I certainly believe that God moves in mysterious ways. I know that we heard this so many times but God is silently working on us. As the song of Mariah Carey goes, “There can be miracles when you believe"

And yes, I believe in miracles!

Want to know why? Let me give you a brief timeline of my AMAZING Miracles this month

Sept 8- Thursday, Mama Mary's Bday. I attended Makati Feast with my best friends and my son for the first time.

After attending the feast, I feel so blessed. I feel refreshed.  I told myself, “This will be a regular part of my life starting today and I am so happy that I am in Makati feast”.

Sept 15-Thursday, Morning- Received heart breaking news. I cried my heart out loud the whole day.

               Thursday, Evening- Received a very precious gift from Makati Feast- the Bible

I told my friends, "I know God will never let me down. He gave me my guidebook to overcome the negative vibes that I received earlier"

When God give us problems, he will not abandon us. He will give us directions on how to reach our destination. He will provide us with some tools to use for us to solve our problems.

Sept 22- Thursday, I wrote down my dreams in my Novena to God’s love; received a book “How To Find Your One True Love”

It took me a while before I was able to write something in my Novena to God's love because I just want simple things and yet they said we have to dream big. I was confused then. I decided to double check my priorities in life, and there you go, I was able to write something down.

Sept 24-Saturday, Outreach for the Typhoon Pedring victims

This outreach is very special to me, as I said before, Everyday is a new beginning. I can relate to the Pedring victims and I really want to help with my own little ways. Guess what? God gave me a bonus right away; I met beautiful people inside and out. I met my FAB friends from Makati feast.

We were able to put some hope in someone’s life. We were able to put smiles on their faces. What else can we ask for right?

Sept 29-Thursday, Morning- I woke up feeling bad and terrible because the current situation that  I am in.

              Thursday, Evening Dream no 3 in Novena to God’s love is related to my problem this morning.

Now, it is GRANTED! Today, I said YES Lord, my lifetime partner.

In relation to my answered dream, God never promised this life would be perfect and without problems and hardships. He did promise us that he will always be with us and he will never leave us. We often leave Him though; especially when he doesn’t answer our prayer right away. God’s promises are not for those that don’t live for him or follow him. Like what Bro. Randy said, “God is always on time, he is never late, and rarely early.

Oct 6-Thursday, Dream no 4 in Novena to God’s love-GRANTED

In Relation to my answered dream, I have heard this phrase come from different people who I have talked to: “You have no idea what I am going” I have heard this from people who suffer from stress, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, multiple personalities, abused. Let me tell you, I also said this phrase at some point of my life. I have a message for you. “You are not alone.” Some choose to be alone but there are people who want in. people who have shared in the pain and have come through it and now want to share with you and help you through it. Many of which have had someone come into their lives to help them. Your basic ‘Pay It Forward.’

Oct 7- Friday, CG season 6; Amazing new friends!

My best friend and I have been waiting for this day =) Met new set of friends. I am hoping to learn more with this group. I also hope that I will be able to share to them my life experiences so that they will learn from it and for them not to experience the hardships that I went through.

Oct 8- Saturday, My first month in Makati feast plus Jesus Encounter.

I can't find the right words still to describe my experience. Until now, I am still overwhelmed so Pardon me. Today is my second birthday =)

What more can I ask?

One month, 4 weeks, and Blessings are over pouring already!

God is really working on me now. He never stops to surprise me every week.

While God has a plan for us, we are given choices. In the end, we still get to where he wants us to be but it is our choices that determine how long it will take us to get there.

Just to give you a little background, my friend has been asking me to join the feast for so long. I admit, at that time, I was very busy with work and family. Don’t get me wrong, I do go to church every Sunday. After so many no’s, pass’, I can’t, next time, rain checks, my friend never stops. Everyday I will receive an email from her entitled “God’s Message For You Today “, I am happy to receive the word of the Lord everyday. Honestly, At times, I read four emails at the same time because I have so many emails to read as part of my job. When I can relate to the Gospel reading, I will reply to my friend and thank her. After a while, it became my habit to read the email everyday.

One day, I wondered, “How come I don’t receive the emails anymore?” Then I remembered that my friend is out of the country for three weeks.

There I felt so lost. I know I had to do something. I sent my friend a message asking how’s her trip and when is she coming back. My friend replied. Then, I asked her about the feast and I told her, I want to come”

And everything was a history! After a month of being with Makati Feast and after the JE, I can say, I am finally HOME.

I can never thank enough my friend Ruthie Sy because she never gave up on me. I am proud to say that I am here because God used Ruthie to be one of the tools to bring me back home. With all the blessings that I am receiving now, I know how to thank my friend Ruthie and of course, our Lord Jesus, by Serving others.

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me good friends like Ruthie Sy, Julia Anne Gamboa, Sheena Isiderio and Alvin Gamboa. Thank you Lord for giving me NEW Friends that I found in Makati Feast. Best of all, Thank you Lord Jesus for your loving mercy and bless all who read this. May you bring them to a greater understanding of how they have the authority to bring good into their lives and to always keep their eyes focused on you and not on the things in this world.

Vision Board

The million dollar question is what do you want for your life?

I often ask myself that question. Time is gold. Every day is an opportunity to make steps toward your dream, but are you running toward it or just sitting in one corner waiting? Talking about what you want in life is easy, making the effort to get it isn't. If you aren't living the life you want then what can you do to change that? Have you thought of doing something to achieve your dreams? Waiting around for something to happen is futile.  Being stagnant never results in change only action will give you results.

I thought I'd share some of my goals for the life I want to create.

Spiritual Life

The most significant relationship in my life is with my life partner: God. Without him I can't create the life I desire. I want to continue to mature spiritually and strengthen my faoth. I also want to glorify him through my purpose and life work. I want to have a lifetime relationship with him. 

Parenting

Teaching, guiding, and loving my son is the most important thing I have to do. I pray that God continues to guide me in whatever decision that I have to make for my Addy. My goal is to be the best MOM AND DAD that I can be. I want my son to grow up as a fine young man who gives glory to our creator. I want to be "Mom-Dad-Friend' forAddy, a mom, a dad, and a friend who will always be there to guide him and support him but will also be there to tap him when he is losing track of his directions.

Wellbeing

I want to be one of those old ladies who wake up rearing to go hiking! This requires me to take care of myself physically and emotionally. Exercise and nutrition are vital  and I want to pass on the significance of taking care of myself to my son. Every day I want to do something that is healthy for my mind, body and spirit. I want to be happy and pass that joy onto others who are around me. Being beautiful should be inside and out. It also comes from within. Living a healthy and happy life will bring out the beauty within. It will bring out a certain glow in our faces.

Location

I want to raise Addy closer to my family. I like to raise him in an environemnt where in he will learn the difference of good and bad, right and wrong. I don't want him to grow up in a "PARADISE". I want him to see the so called "REALITY OF LIFE" so as he grows old, he will learn things along the way.

I haven't decided though if Addy will stay in the Philippines or go back to Canada but wherever we are, I want our home to be comfortable and to surround myself with the people we love and who loves us. 

Finances

Financially, I simply want to be debt free and to be able to give to causes that make a difference. Pay my bills on time, buy the neccesities that we need. Share for a good cause.

Career

I just want a balanced career wherein I have a balance time for work, for God and for my family especially for my son.

Community

 In my own little way, I want to give back the blessings that I am receiving by serving others, by sharing to others.

I want to feel connected to my community and teach my son the value of volunteering and being involved in causes he believes in. One of my goals is for us to do volunteer work together. Since he's already turning 3, I want to start by exposing him to children in orphanage. So that he will realized that even if I am a single mom and we don't have the typical family set up, he is still lucky because he have a family who loves him dearly. He's in a community who accepts us. I hope with this, he wont feel "unwanted"

Travel

I love to travel. I want to explore the Philippines and other countries with my son. I want him to see and experience diffent cultures and values.

Relationships

On a romantic level I'm praying God brings a loving, spiritual man in my life. I'm open to the possibilities, but not desperate.

On a friendship and family level, I want to cultivate and deepen my friendships and relationships with my family. 

Life Experiences

It is important to never stop learning. For me this means taking different classes, being outdoors, living abroad, trying new things and being open to the different pathways that become available to me. I want to continously create and be in wonder of the world around me. Continue to meet new people in order to learn from their experiences and also for them to learn with my experiences.

This is just a quick synopsis of the life I want to create. I have specific ideas I want to bring to fruition, places I want to go, and goals I want to accomplish. Write a bucket list, create a vision board, bring the life you want to create out of your mind and manifest it to into your reality. Don't forget to develop a strategy of concrete steps that lead you to accomplish your desires. Don't allow procrastination to hinder you from the life you want. Be intentional and make daily strides toward your goals. Most of all pray. Don't be afraid to ask God for what you want and remember to listen to him. Then be bold in your actions and go for your dreams. I believe that prayer and action works hand in hand and it works perfectly well.

Ready To Take A Chance Again?

For more than three years, I never thought of dating and love. I have done everything possible to deny myself this part of my life. I tried to entertain a few recently, but after a day or two, I will say, "I am not ready, I am not interested," Although, I can probably attribute it to heartbreak and loss, I think the real reason is being scared. Scared to be vulnerable, scared of being hurt again. Honestly, getting my heart broken was pretty darn hard. Let's face it, breakups aren't easy and when a child is involved it is a whole different ball game. Obviously, my choices now as a mother are much more examined and significant. I will never bring a string of random men into my son's life. The idea of introducing him to someone is not something I take lightly. Lately, I do find myself missing that part of my life. 

I've been completely closed off to meeting anyone or dating and sometimes I feel like I'm cheating myself. I don’t want to be a hypocrite, sometimes I miss the idea of being in love.  I miss the butterflies, the companionship, the talks and walks. Isn't life is about taking chances and loving even if it leads to heartbreak? I'm not going to sign up for a dating service, but I am going to be more open to the possibilities. I'm still young and I can't honestly sit here and say that I never want to fall in love again nor should I. I'm learning in order to move forward it's essential to settle and forget the past, free myself from my past mistakes, learn from it and leave it where it belong. I learned a great deal from my previous relationship. I learned to turn to God and to make him the cornerstone of all my relationships. Closing a chapter is difficult. You're familiar with the story and how it plays out and it's appealing to stay stuck between those pages. Creating a new chapter requires courage it demands that you step out of your comfort zone and begin again. 

I remember Julia Roberts in  Eat, Pray and Love,  she said this one line about how being in ruin leads to transformation. When we're in ruins we learn so much about ourselves and how much we can endure. We learn how to rebuild  better and stronger. We transform our mistakes into something beautiful, a blessing. I experienced being in a relationship knowing nothing will change but never fully releasing the other person because it hurts so much to let go of what your vision was, but your vision was never the reality. In the end the real pain is the result of remaining stuck and refusing to release and it hurts....it hurts soooo bad..

With all that being said, Addy is number one and takes precedence over everything, but it's okay for me to be a mother and a woman too. It has taken me a long time to come to grips with that, but I'm finally emerging from the ruins, ready to rebuild a more permanent and stronger structure.  I'm turning a page and that's all I can really do.