Do It Afraid

Last Thursday, we talked about fear and courage. So we were asked, “What are you afraid of?”

At some point, I was afraid and yet I was able to face the fear courageously.

FEAR

Raised in a conservative family, I was scared when I found out that I am pregnant and worst I have to face it alone. I have to stand by my principles and beliefs and do what for me is right. It took a lot of practicing on how I will tell my parents that they will be grandparents and I will be a single mom. At that time, I know that I will be under the microscope again. It’s also called the sad reality of life but that’s how it is. That’s life, sometimes trials happen.  In time, God will let me know the reason why.

OVERCOMING YOUR FEAR AND DOING IT THE RIGHT WAY

All problems have solution but the question is: Are we making the right choice? Are we solving our problem the right way?

I never had to think twice. I know from the start that I want this child. No matter what people around me will say. A friend once said, “it's not about what they will say, it's about what you feel, what you want, what will make you happy and what you think is right." I can say that I made the right decision. I solved my problem the right way. I realized that There are many couples in our society who’s having a hard time having a baby; spending all their money just to have one and here I am given this blessing and won’t accept it?

I knew then that I will be scrutinized, judged and ridiculed. Its part of this world we live in, the society surrounding us. I can take all that because that does not compare to the joy this little blessing will give me

According to Brother Randy, our fear is like a door and when you have the courage to open the door it will show you the answer. Agree, I had to face the sturdiest door, and when I had the courage to open the door. It feels like I saw the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: My son.

After I gave birth, I embraced the joy of Motherhood. I was given the gift of life and there is no one else who is responsible of this innocent and defenseless life but me. I am the only one who can fight for the life of my child. I will do it no matter what the world throws at me because I know it’s all worth it.

Just to make things clear. I am not encouraging other young women to get pregnant unmarried. No. In the eyes of God I have committed a sin. But I am not covering it up by committing another. I am here standing up for what I did. Because when this happened to me, reality kicked in. It’s happening to young women around me. I am not alone; I am not the first single mom in this cruel world. There are many women who are scared and never knew what to do. Women who are left by their coward, immature partners to face this battle alone. This is how life can be. We always have the power and right to choose the way we want to live it.

FEAR

Trials will keep on coming my way. i know that for sure. God is always on time, he is never late and rarely early. So I know in his time Addy will ask, “Mommy, what happened? Where’s my dad” and when that day comes I know that will be another door that I have to face courageously.

So I will be leaving this note open ended. How will I overcome that door this time?

Partner For Life

My life is not easy to explain. It has not been the rip roaring spectacular I fancied it would be but I still consider my life amazing. One minute I am laughing, the next hour I am crying. Change is the only constant thing in this world and life changes in a heartbeat. It is unpredictable that’s why we have to put our hope in Jesus Christ who never changes. He is the most reliable source of hope and strength that we need.

Many of my friends are too acquainted with life changing in a moment. One day their married raising children with a partner and then the next day they are facing a tear-jerking separation. They find themselves responsible for every aspect of their children's life. They are constantly juggling their work and their child rearing while trying to heal from a painful breakup.

My piece of advice to those mother like me who is struggling, it is okay, God won’t drown you. He won’t let that happen. You may be bobbing in the water gasping for air and just when you think you're going underneath he will lift you up.

God is going to perform a miracle in you and your children's life BUT YOU HAVE TO WORK HAND IN HAND WITH GOD.

If you're broken he's going to make you whole BUT you have to help yourself. Pick up yourself. Love yourself.

If you're sad he's going to bring you immense joy but you have to allow God to enter your life. Once you allow him to enter your life, you will not be lost. Happiness will be on your way.

If you're riddled with anxiety he will give you a peaceful heart. Together with love, acceptance and forgiveness you will have a peaceful heart, mind, soul and life.

If you're worried about making ends meet, he's going to provide your needs all you have to do is follow his way. Remember, he is the way, the truth and the life. (John 14:6)

God is going to work in your life to transform and renew it so you can move forward with your purpose in full confidence rooted in the Lord. Friends, if you need a good cry have one and when you're done Jesus is going to wipe those tears away and lead you into a fantastic future. All you have to do is have faith in him. You may be thinking this is the end of your world, let me tell you something it is not over until God says it over, so pick up your head and walk tall with your life time partner: Jesus Christ Almighty!

Last Reminder: Single motherhood is challenging but we have a lifetime partner in God

Relationships Die Without Commitment

Last night’s topic at the feast is about "commitment"  so expect that I will bombard you with notes about commitment the entire week

According to Webster, “Commitment is a pledge, a promise or an obligation.”

The first point from brother Jan Silan’s talk last night is, “Relationships die without commitment” I stopped for a moment when I heard that then I just said to myself, “True, I am glad I attended the feast tonight. Something is coming my way”

I've been pondering about the complex relationship between a single mom and the father of their child. It's sardonic because we separate or divorce due to irreconcilable differences, but then we're still forced to have a relationship with them for the rest of our life. We need to reinvent the current relationship and mold it into a peaceful and harmonious union, something that wasn't so easy to do after all the pain that we've been through.

In my personal experience, breaking up and letting go are two things that’s very hard to do. It is even harder when there is a child involved. I've had my fair share of heartaches, but this heartbreak was one of those excruciating breaks. The kind that brings you to your knees, gives you tummy twitch, fractures your heart, and makes it hard for you to breathe. 

So what if the father is not committed with co-parenting? What if we thought we were able to reinvent the current relationship, but found out that it is a relationship without commitment? That the other party is not committed at all, meaning the relationship is not there after all; it is indeed dead. This means that I have to be committed to my son twice as I should be. I need to be committed to him as a mother and as a father, more so, as a friend. Being a single mom is not an excuse not to be committed, for me it is another reason to be. I must admit, there were times when I sincerely wish that I could reconcile with the Father of my kid, but there is a reason we aren't together.  If I force it, one way or another we might hurt each other, more so, we might hurt our child; something I couldn’t bare.  That’s why I have to trust in God and his will for me. I don't play the blame game because it takes two to tango, two to have a relationship and two to break it. The pain subsided but there are days when it is fresh and raw and reality sets in. On those days I have to remember that my partner is God. I know God is committed to me. Would I like an earthly partner?  Of course, but I know God has to finish his work on me first.  I know in God’s time he will give me the perfect match partner that will be committed to us and to God.

I'm single for a reason. God is utilizing me for his purpose right now. He knows where my focus needs to be and he will not allow anything to interfere. This is the season in my life that I need to focus on my work for God and for my son. This is the time where I need to be committed to my son. This is also my time to be committed to grow spiritually. I think the Lord is preparing me for my life work and maybe even for my partner that he will give on his time and according to his plan. See, God loves to get us prepared. Our trials and experiences are all part of his master plan for our lives. He enables us to be broken so we can be made whole. 

I'm learning to be contented in my state of affairs and to embrace the season I'm experiencing. I slowly understand what it means to be still and listen to God. I understand how futile it is to worry and to have regrets and rehash the past because God is in control of everything. I've learned that he will take care of me and addy when I submit willingly and depend on him for my every need. He has taught me to be confident in my faith and have courage through him. I am learning the art of letting go and releasing people, places, and things that can no longer serve me or my purpose. I'm accepting my vulnerabilities, I'm allowing the tears to flow and I'm placing myself completely in his hands. The most important realization is I am committed not only in giving my son the things that he needs and deserves but also I am committed to my creator who loves me and my son unconditionally. 

Thank you Makati Feast