On Father's Day

Being a mother is a tough job, but being a mom and a dad is tougher. I want to take a moment today and say Happy Father’s Day to all the Mothers out there who are Fathers too. You deserve the extra recognition of filling in for two salaries, two parents, and still staying sane (mostly).

This is our 3rd Father’s day of Addy and I am extremely blessed and honored to see my son loved by everyone. The never ending he-is-so-adorable compliments from other people are overwhelming.

Addy, You are the joy of my life. Sometimes I get so very busy that I forget to tell you that. Being a single Mom has its benefits: I get you all to myself. But it also has its down side: I have to work an awful lot of hours to bring home enough money for the two of us to live. Thank you for being patient with me and for understanding.  I thank you for helping shape who I am today. Thank you for teaching me lessons most people do not have to learn in life. Thank you for forcing me to rebuild myself. All of those things are important, great and wonderful, but mostly thank you for being the greatest gift in the entire world. Without you, I will be lost. You are the gift that smiles at me and hugs me every day, the gift that acts crazy and goofy and sings songs at the top of your lungs because you can. I thank you for being my son. I will enjoy watching you become the person I know you can be, and while there will be times it is hard to do it alone, the payoff in the end is worth it, the unfailing love between you and me; a mother and a son.

I want to say a very Happy Father’s Day to all the ‘daddies’ out there. I’m not talking to biological fathers, though some of them are daddies. I’m talking about every man who has held the hand of a child while a needle was getting shoved in their vein at the hospital, or every man who doctored a scraped knee and kissed away tears. I’m talking to every man who has ever read a child a bedtime story and tucked them in at night with a kiss on the forehead and a, “See you in the morning, buddy.”

For me, It doesn’t matter if the child was born of your blood as long as the child resides in your heart– that makes you a daddy.

So if you are a man and if you have children, don’t JUST be a father. Be a daddy. Be a man. A Real Man.


Little girls need someone who will kiss them goodnight.  Little boys need the example of a good man to grow up to be like and admire, someone they can hope to become, live up to.

The world needs fathers for one reason only — to procreate. The world needs daddies though, to make this world a better place, to bring our next generation up differently and better than the one before it, to constantly improve and excel.

But for today, tomorrow and the next after,  I will be stronger.  I will be braver. I will be wiser and tougher. I will be a mom, but most importantly, a dad.

Seven Dreams, Nine Months

When I was young and immature, I would pray to God for something and I’d ask for signs to know what His answer would be. I prayed to the Lord to reveal to me the right person He set apart for me. I had been through a few failed relationships where my friends had tried to give me several hints that I didn’t seem to get. I prayed silently, absorbed the shock and responded by saying that God’s message was for me to forgive those “heart-breakers”!

When I was in college; older and still immature, when I’d pray for something that I really desire, I’d make a sacrifice in the hope that God would answer my desperate cries. But I am realizing that I tend to listen to myself more, than to God. I am scared to decide and act even if God has given me His assurance. Even after much prayer, proper discernment and clear-headed thinking, I get scared to proceed on a decision.

That’s the way I feel with God. There are times when I feel I just don’t get it.

But when I joined the Feast, we were taught how to pray and dream. We were taught to write down our dreams in our little booklet called, Novena to God’s Love. Seven dreams to be exact. We pray for these dreams everyday. For me, this Novena to God’s love is also God’s promised. We were asked to make our dreams MAGIC dreams. (Measurable, Ambitious, Godly, Imaginative, Complete).

It doesn’t stop in praying for our dreams to happen. We also need to do something everyday to make them come true. We need to believe in ourselves. Yes, I believe that cliché. Call it spirituality, hope, confidence: The ability of people to achieve anything they put their minds to is very real and very powerful. I am a dreamer. I have this habit of using my imagination. It works for me as a writer. It works for me in pursuing my goals. WE have to learn how to dream big. These dreams should fuel our daily lives.

After attending the feast for nine months, I am very blessed and grateful to share that my first set of seven dreams are already granted. I am now in my second Novena to God’s love. Another set of seven dreams to be prayed for, another chance to be a dreamer and a believer.  Another set of God’s promised. This time, I will dream bigger.

One of my realizations in this chapter of my life is how the Lord has been so faithful, even if I was not. Many times, I lost heart when things didn’t go as planned. I lost sight of what God can do and focused more on what I could control. I am learning to ask the Lord for things both big and small. God is patient with us when we make fools of ourselves.  He works with us in the midst of our messy lives.

Indeed, God can not lie. Yes, he fulfilled his promise to me that in His own time, He will give the BEST that I deserve. All I need is to trust him, to surrender all my heart’s desire to him, to remain faithful to him just like how he remained faithful in fulfilling his promises.

While waiting for these new set of dreams to come into reality. I will remain faithful to Him. I pray that the Lord will allow me to do something where I can give my all, something that will unify my passions, and something that will bring out all the possibilities in my life, something that will make me live out His plan for my life. I know I will win. I know God will fulfill his promise again. It might not be immediate. It may take years the second time around. But ultimately, God will not lie. He will give to me when I am ready to accept it. God always wins, and so will I. As I desire for things that can make God smile, I pray for my heart’s desire, and I believe God has heard it. His answer is on the way.

 I can hear God whispering, “You’ll get it... All of it... One day, In my own time.”

My Fairytale

No one can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. - Marian Robinson

Being a single mom, I cannot help to think where is my happily ever after? The fairy tales I read as a little girl told me we all have a happily ever after. So where's mine?

I wrote down in my previous blog, Prince Turned Into A Frog, how my fairytale was something extraordinary. It's not the usual, And they lived happily ever after. Don't get me wrong. I actually enjoy being a single mom. It is not an easy task, but I am proud of what I do. I am contended. I am happy being single. Certainly, I am extremely grateful for my son. Having him in my life fills my heart with light and love. But at times especially when Addy asks, "where's daddy?" (although he's asking for my dad and not his real one) I begin to feel robbed of the false fairy tale of getting a complete normal family.

I know the time will come that I will be required to answer that question. So where is my happy ending? My happily ever after? How will I explain in to Addy in a way that he will not feel less of a person because his dad is nowhere to be found?

A happily ever after does not require finding a true love and growing old together although it would be nice. Maybe a happily ever after only requires you to love yourself. For me an absolute happy ending is seeing my son grow into a happy, successful young man whose success is defined by him not our society. Disregard the notion that society would have us believe that happily ever after requires you to be married to your soul mate, grow old together, and live happily ever after. Some are lucky to achieve this. Many of these people likely have their own challenges with health, finances, or a death of a loved one. We never know. Just because we have not and may never find our true partner does not mean we are robbed of own happily ever after. 

Addy will learn there isn't a Santa Claus soon enough. Just as he'll come to realize that the gifts that were hidden and the treats that were secretly tucked beneath our tree did not actually come form a wise old man in whiskers, he will learn that mom and dad aren't perfect. Yes, Mom has made mistakes just as dad has. We're equally to blame in the failed relationship. But hopefully, Addy will know how much we both love him and want him to be happy. His dad may not be around but that doesn't mean he is less of a person because he is surrounded with a family who loves him the most. And most of all, he'll come to see that he has a family that will work together to hold his head above water when he's in a little too deep. He doesn't have to worry which parent will help him this time. He knows everyone in the family will.

A happily ever after only requires you to live successfully as you define success and ultimately for you to love yourself. So, be open to the universe. Be open to receiving the love the universe has to offer. And be open to loving and trusting yourself again, In that opening, you will find your happily ever after...... 

And, surprisingly, before I end this journal, I already know where my happily ever after is.....

ADDY is my happily ever after. He is my happy ending. Even though mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. Something good came out. There is still a happy ending in that fairytale and that is him. I am hoping that one day, Addy will see a family who will do what they can to help him succeed. Addy's family "IS" living happily ever after. We just live in different houses.